My Dog, Myself
So, you know how they say that people’s dogs start to look
just like them? If you’ve never heard
this, here’s an example.
Baxter looks absolutely nothing like me, though we have
noticed over the years that he’s extremely food-averse, and seems to have
picked up some of my phobias. Although,
that’s not entirely accurate. He doesn’t
not eat the same stuff I won’t eat—he has his OWN list of things he doesn’t
like. I’ve only owned one other dog in
my life, and that dog was very old so I’m not sure she’s a good basis for
comparison, but apparently it is not
normal for a dog to not want to eat everything that’s not nailed down. In fact, we have some friends who stopped by
right when we were moving. Since
everything in the kitchen was still in boxes, we went out to dinner, but before
we left they remarked that we might want to hide a large box of food that
was sitting on the floor which included (but was not limited to) girl scout
cookies, pasta, a box of rice, and some chocolate-covered raisins. They were like “hey—if you leave that food
out, isn’t your dog going to eat it?”, and I think we actually laughed. Because if you own a regular “I’ll eat anything”
Lab or something, it might seem amazing that you could leave a whole box of
food on the floor and your dog would sniff it, let out a big deep sigh, then go
to his bed and take a nap. What dog
leaves free food?
My dog leaves food.
Actually, it’s probably not just me and my food fears that
made him this way—when we first got him, he WAS one of those dogs that would
eat anything, which included disgusting things off the street corner in
New York. This indiscriminate eating lasted for about a
week, then he ate something that must’ve had poison in it, because he started
drooling uncontrollably and we had to take him to the dog emergency hospital,
where they put him on IV antibiotics. Since then, he can only eat the “Sensitive Stomach” dog food, and he’s
been very, VERY careful about what he will eat, and wouldn’t dream of eating garbage,
or really, anything that he hasn’t taken over to his bed and examined
thoroughly, as if he has a tiny dog microscope over there. It is endlessly entertaining to watch people
in stores try to give him MilkBone dog treats, which he does not approve
of. He’ll take it in his mouth (just to
be polite? I don’t know), then turns
right around and spits it out, as if to say “thank you, but no thanks. Don’t like it.”
Here is a list of things Baxter will not eat, in case you
find this interesting at all:
- Pizza
crust. He would prefer it if you could just take the pepperoni slices off and give them to him one at a
time. He does not like the dough. He indicates this by taking the pizza crust into his mouth, and then whining plaintively until you take it back - Pasta. Unless that pasta has meat sauce, and then he will eat the meat sauce only, and spit out the pieces of pasta, which you will have to clean up.
- MilkBone Dog Biscuits. See above. He prefers soft treats that smell like meat ONLY, and even then he has to take them away and vet them before they can be eaten.
- Vegetables or fruit of any kind. Out of the question. Even covered in meat.
- Potatoes,
mashed or otherwise. He’d like you to know just how disgusting he finds anything with potatoes, so much so that it warrants a whole new category apart from regular vegetables. Yesterday after dinner we tried to give him some mashed potatoes with pork gravy, and he SPIT THE POTATOES ONTO THE FLOOR like a histrionic woman. - Standard
household food, like Chex Mix, dry rice, or pasta. Don’t even make him laugh. These foods he will sniff,
then look up at you like “How dare you?” In case you don’t know him, that looks like this:
He also does not appreciate being dressed up. He finds this demeaning.
Things he will eat, in case you’re
still reading:
1. Tuna. In cans. In fact, he will eat any
kind of fish, and will even break his “I hate rice” rule to eat whole pieces of
hand-rolled sushi. Actually, maybe he’s
a seal instead of a dog.
- Cat food. Preferably wet food. Maybe he does this as a “screw you” to the cat whose food this is, because they won’t be needing this once he chases them away.
- Short Bread Cookies. Not regular cookies from the store. Shortbread Girl
Scout cookies that you have to buy from your friends’ kids. Have to be in the blue box, even though dogs are color blind. - Granola bars. Only oats and honey, and only if he’s in the mood. Otherwise, this gets spit out right on the floor.
- Steak/ other forms of protein. Only if cut into cube-size pieces.
- Pirates’
Booty. Don’t bother with regular popcorn. - Cool Whip.
- White cake, with frosting.