We are having a “worlds collide” moment in snack food land, and as a result, I have received several photos, texts, and messages from people, imploring me to go report on the Peeps-flavored Pepsi.
For the record, I have not had a Pepsi in probably 25 years. I have anxiety and I watch my calories like a hawk, so there is no way I would voluntarily drink that much caffeine and sugar all at once. I might never sleep again if I did that, in fact.
Actually, that is not entirely true. About five years ago I went to a friend’s house to close their garage door or something, and I was thirsty, and the only thing they had to drink in their garage was full-sugar coke, so I went ahead and drank one of those.
Big mistake. By the time I got home, I must have had a pie-plate eyes anxiety look on my face, because Stephen took one look at me and was like “Whoa— did you do cocaine while you were over there?”
I should have just done cocaine, because I barely slept that night and had a hangover for days. Not worth it at all.
Also, I should add that regular sugared soda is already way too sweet for me, so I had zero expectations that I would actually like the Peeps Pepsi (which, why are they not calling it “Peepsi”? Feel like that was a major missed opportunity for funny branding right there).
Let me see if I can describe the Peeps Pepsi experience in words, since words are presumably why you are here.
First, the scent. It is what you might call “chemical forward,” meaning you can smell the sugar, but also the chemicals that have clearly gone into this creation. Pepsi has a particular smell that I would probably describe as “sugary, in a syrupy kind of way,” and this is way beyond that. This stuff smells a little like some kind of industrial cleaner that you might remember from an elementary school bathroom. Off to a great start.
Next, you take the obligatory first sip, and already you know It’s bad, folks. Really bad. Like, not just “this tastes like a peep dissolved in a Pepsi” bad, but like they had to TRY to make it this bad. It’s sickly sweet in an almost sinister way, like Pepsi has dropped the artifice and is actively trying to give you the diabetes. It’s murderously sweet, is what I’m saying. Horribly sweet.
Finally, oh my God, the aftertaste. Like, the intention of a vanilla soda, but the result of something like candy-coated feet.
Here is a (very) short film that captures the horror of the journey:
@loriculwell I Found #peepspepsi and tried it! #peeps #pepsi #easter2023 ♬ original sound – Lori Culwell
All this leads me to my conclusion, which is: WHY WAS THIS CONCEPT SO POORLY EXECUTED? Surely we didn’t have to go this far for a publicity stunt.
Seriously, it could have been so much better. I like Peeps, and I like Pepsi. This could have gone fine. It didn’t have to be like this. Just last week we talked about a soda-flavored peep (Dr pepper) that was above average. I’m not sure where we lost the thread when it came to a peep-flavored soda, but here we are.
I’m giving this one a D, just for the aftertaste and because this was actually hard to find and not cheap. Bad all around, I say! Speaking of bad, let us zoom in once again on our little Peeps characters. They know what’s up with this product. I just recently noticed that all of them have this “I’m over it” look on their faces, which I find hilarious.
Of course, I did go out looking for this product, and now I am making everyone who comes over to my house taste this flavor abomination, so I guess the publicity stunt worked on me.