Lori Culwell – Funny Strange

Peeps Pepsi: a Review

We are having a “worlds collide” moment in snack food land, and as a result, I have received several photos, texts, and messages from people, imploring me to go report on the Peeps-flavored Pepsi.

For the record, I have not had a Pepsi in probably 25 years. I have anxiety and I watch my calories like a hawk, so there is no way I would voluntarily drink that much caffeine and sugar all at once. I might never sleep again if I did that, in fact.

Actually, that is not entirely true. About five years ago I went to a friend’s house to close their garage door or something, and I was thirsty, and the only thing they had to drink in their garage was full-sugar coke, so I went ahead and drank one of those.

Big mistake. By the time I got home, I must have had a pie-plate eyes anxiety look on my face, because Stephen took one look at me and was like “Whoa— did you do cocaine while you were over there?”

I should have just done cocaine, because I barely slept that night and had a hangover for days. Not worth it at all.

Also, I should add that regular sugared soda is already way too sweet for me, so I had zero expectations that I would actually like the Peeps Pepsi (which, why are they not calling it “Peepsi”? Feel like that was a major missed opportunity for funny branding right there).

Let me see if I can describe the Peeps Pepsi experience in words, since words are presumably why you are here.

First, the scent. It is what you might call “chemical forward,” meaning you can smell the sugar, but also the chemicals that have clearly gone into this creation. Pepsi has a particular smell that I would probably describe as “sugary, in a syrupy kind of way,” and this is way beyond that. This stuff smells a little like some kind of industrial cleaner that you might remember from an elementary school bathroom. Off to a great start.

Next, you take the obligatory first sip, and already you know It’s bad, folks. Really bad. Like, not just “this tastes like a peep dissolved in a Pepsi” bad, but like they had to TRY to make it this bad. It’s sickly sweet in an almost sinister way, like Pepsi has dropped the artifice and is actively trying to give you the diabetes. It’s murderously sweet, is what I’m saying. Horribly sweet.

Finally, oh my God, the aftertaste. Like, the intention of a vanilla soda, but the result of something like candy-coated feet.

Here is a (very) short film that captures the horror of the journey:

@loriculwell I Found #peepspepsi and tried it! #peeps #pepsi #easter2023 ♬ original sound – Lori Culwell

All this leads me to my conclusion, which is: WHY WAS THIS CONCEPT SO POORLY EXECUTED? Surely we didn’t have to go this far for a publicity stunt.

Seriously, it could have been so much better. I like Peeps, and I like Pepsi. This could have gone fine. It didn’t have to be like this. Just last week we talked about a soda-flavored peep (Dr pepper) that was above average. I’m not sure where we lost the thread when it came to a peep-flavored soda, but here we are.

I’m giving this one a D, just for the aftertaste and because this was actually hard to find and not cheap. Bad all around, I say! Speaking of bad, let us zoom in once again on our little Peeps characters. They know what’s up with this product. I just recently noticed that all of them have this “I’m over it” look on their faces, which I find hilarious.

Of course, I did go out looking for this product, and now I am making everyone who comes over to my house taste this flavor abomination, so I guess the publicity stunt worked on me.

I’m Back! Dr. Pepper Peeps, Kettle Corn Peeps, and a Fun Party Game Idea!

Hello again, and welcome back to this sadly neglected blog. Yes, I know I have only been posting here a few times per year. That is because I wrote four books last year and am trying to write another four this year, and I have poor time management skills. Did you know that ADHD gets worse the older you get? Because it very much does.

Anyhoo, here are all of the books I have written thus far in the “Funny You Should Ask” series, which you should absolutely check out if any of these subjects interest you. I started this series because I am apparently a glutton for punishment. The books are basically me explaining technical things while making jokes, and it has been very well received!

My Books on Amazon

I’m back on this blog because something very important and Funny Strange-like has happened, and we need to talk about it.

The new Peeps flavors are out, people. This has happened earlier in the season than expected, perhaps because this is the 70th Anniversary of Peeps. I’m so excited about this that I went out and bought a bunch of Peeps-themed stuff and made a TikTok about it! That’s right over here if you are a TikTok person.

Yes, that is Stephan in the background, serving up a hilarious Peeps song. Special super thanks to him for doing not only that song, but all the fancy video production on my first-ever TikTok!

Back to the matter at hand. There are only two brand-new ones this time around–Kettle Corn and Dr. Pepper–and both are pretty accurate, maybe because they’re based on things that are artificially flavored anyway, which makes them easy to get right. I also appreciate the movie theater theme of popcorn and soda, although I don’t know if that was intentional. It might have been, because in keeping with the movie theater food theme, I also noticed that they have a Mike and Ike-themed Peep pop out this year, which I’ll need to do a whole separate post about because NO ONE LIKES MIKE AND IKES AND NO ONE EVER DID, so that did not need to happen. Also returning this year are sour watermelon, hot tamale, birthday cake (a pointless and stupid flavor, in my opinion), cotton candy, chocolate pudding, the ongoing atrocity that is fruit punch, regular and strawberry Peeps delights (those are the chocolate-dipped ones), and a flavor called Sparkly Wild Berry that is proving to be difficult to locate. I’ll look into how “sparkly” that one tastes and get back to you.

In case you’re new here and don’t know this about me, strangely and artificially flavored snack food is my lifelong interest and hobby, and it just gets funnier with every passing year. I am absolutely that friend you need to tell if you see something like chicken and waffle-flavored potato chips in a store, because I will run right out and buy those just to see how close they got. In fact, I have a weirdly flavored snack food tasting game at every party I host, because I totally love experiencing the weird flavors with other people and comparing notes.

In case that is a party game you might want to do yourself (because it really is super fun), I finally got around to making a downloadable version of the Peeps Tasting Party Game instructions for you. It even has tasting notes! You can get that here.

The first new flavor is kettle corn, and while initially you might be like, “Gross,” stay with me, because I feel like this is one of their best-executed flavors to date. The flavor profile is spot on, to the point where it made me laugh out loud from the very beginning of this flavor experiment.

Right out of the package, they totally smell like buttered popcorn, which is at once hilariously accurate and cognitively incongruous, because your brain knows good and well you’re not just about to be eating popcorn. The accuracy of the smell is one of the things I love about the weird Peeps.

The actual kettle corn flavor is accurate as well, which is even funnier to me. Like, how do they put all the chemicals together to make it taste like popcorn? It almost perfectly captures the sweet and salty balance of kettle corn without the pesky crunchiness of actual popcorn, which I appreciate, because popcorn gives me anxiety (it’s a long story).

These specialty flavors can sometimes be overpowering, but that is not the case this time around, and if anything, I found that this flavor was a little more understated than it needed to be. I would give this flavor a solid A-, which I would upgrade to an A if they could make it slightly more flavor-forward and saltier. I say that because just out of curiosity, I added salt to one of them, and it was EVEN MORE DELICIOUS. I recommend having some salt handy to add and compare.

Also, I can’t leave off of this first analysis without mentioning the packaging, which is usually funny in some way.

Look at this Peep’s face. He is clearly not amused at this latest turn of events. Why is he sitting next to a tub of “Peeps Corn,” which seems like it might be actual popcorn? He doesn’t have thumbs or a mouth, so he’s not going to be able to get the delicious kettle corn out of the tub or eat it. Maybe that’s why his face looks like this. Of course, it could be the dark undercurrent of cannibalism inherent in almost all the Peeps packaging where the Peeps are eating Peeps, and that’s just not right. This is a meta-Peep situation, and you can’t tell me that the designers at Just Born didn’t do this on purpose, because again, look at the expression on that Peep’s face. He knows.

Kettle Corn peeps were only available at Kroger Stores (like QFC and Fred Meyer).

Next up: Dr. Pepper Peeps. You feel these are going to be good even if they aren’t spot-on, because if you like Dr. Pepper, you’re already fine with artificial flavors. The only initial concern I had about this one was the lack of carbonation and the inability to replicate carbonation in Peep form. I don’t know if you’ll agree with this, but the over the top, almost aggressive carbonation is one of the things that makes Dr. Pepper so very, very Dr. Peppery. Like, it almost has to hurt your throat on the way down or it’s not doing the job.

Also, did you know that Dr. Pepper’s dominant flavor is prune juice? True story. Now you will never be able to get that out of your mind. You’re welcome.

The initial aroma of the Dr. Pepper peep (which, let’s just be honest, should just be called a Peeper, or a Dr. Peeper) is not quite as spicy as one might expect. It almost smells like flat or stale Dr. Pepper that you opened and forgot to drink, or Dr. Pepper that spilled on your clothes. So, it does smell like Dr. Pepper, just old Dr. Pepper (though for whatever reason, the smell fades very quickly after opening the package, so get your nose in there the minute you open it). I’ll give it points for accuracy.

Speaking of accuracy, any collab between two companies like this makes my mind wander in a direction of questioning the minutia of logistics, like “How did they get the Dr. Pepper flavor formula from one company to the other? Did they take it over in a suitcase handcuffed to a guy, or in an organ transplant type cooler?”

Only I would wonder about something like this. I am aware.

The one and only problem with the Pepper Peep (I made that up, not trademarked, not copyright, not sponsored) is that it’s too subtle. Of all the flavors to dial back the strength on, you’re going to start doing that with Dr. Pepper? It makes me laugh that Sour Watermelon and Fruit Punch are basically so strong you can’t taste anything else for awhile after you eat them, but Dr. Pepper, which I would consider to be in the same strong-flavor category, is being treated with kid gloves like this. The only way to really “get” the Dr. Pepper flavor is to hold the Peep in your mouth for a long time, which I don’t think is the standard or recommended mode of Peep consumption. This makes me think Keurig Dr. Pepper (which I have just learned is the current distributor of Dr. Pepper) would only agree to this collab if there was a limit put on the “Dr. Peppery-ness” of the Pepper Peeps, which just feels like a missed opportunity. Oh, maybe this goes without saying, but I don’t think you will like these if you don’t like Dr. Pepper, although I’m not sure why you would be buying a Dr. Pepper-themed product if you had that bias.

I’m giving the Dr. Pepper Peeps a B-, because while I found the flavor to be authentic, I found the whispered subtlety of the flavor to be a total sad trombone. If I’m eating a peep that is supposed to taste like Dr. F**king Pepper, I would like to taste the pepper, okay? Also, I don’t like having to eat multiple Peeps to get the point of a theme. I’m old and I need to save the calories for actual nutritious food. I would put these in a tasting just for fun, but I don’t know that they would be the star, if I’m honest. This assessment surprises and disappoints me too, I KNOW!

Looking at the packaging for a moment before we go, here’s this cranky Peep again, only this time he’s mad because he’s seated next to what can only be an ice-cold, unopened can of Dr. Pepper. In this context, his face looks this way because he can’t open the can, nor can he drink the delicious and mysterious pepper elixir, because it will melt his peep body. Either that or he’s with me in being upset by the faintness of the flavor. No obvious Peep cannibalism in this particular graphic, but still. He’s seen some shit.

This Peep has seen things. He knows something.

So, that’s it for my assessment of the new Peep flavors. I’m surprising myself by declaring kettle corn the best new peep of 2023, although I would absolutely recommend picking both of them up to see if you agree.

Okay! See you in a year!

Just kidding. I’m actually thinking of doing more of these quirky food tastings, so let me know if you found this amusing. Please discuss your favorite Peeps flavors in the comments!

Well….That Was Unexpected!

Screen Shot 2021-05-18 at 8.19.54 AM You guys! I am just popping back on here (two days in a row, I know!) to tell you that something crazy happened. My book got a bestseller badge on Amazon! I am so blown away. I had to overcome some personal hurdles to finish this one and get it out there, so this actually means the world to me. THANK YOU! I don’t want to go all emo over here, but I can’t thank you enough for liking my writing and sticking around all these years.

Oh, and in case you got an email of this blog post and you couldn’t see the photo of the book or the link (isn’t it ironic…..), the book is called “Funny You Should Ask: How to Make a Website,” and the link is: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08YY5WQN3

Let’s Talk About This Pink Mac N’ Cheese, Shall We?

Seriously. Let’s just get right in there and unpack this monstrosity.

First off, this is absolutely the kind of food situation that, when you see it, you should send directly to me. I am the friend who will appreciate this and laugh with you about how very, very gross and wrong this is.

Case in point: three people have already sent me this, and it was only announced this morning. Well done, friends! I feel seen.

So— this is a real thing that Kraft is doing for Valentine’s Day this year. Why no one in the Kraft development office pointed out to anyone else that this looks like a straight-up bowl of intestines (or raw hamburger meat) is beyond me. Apparently the product development department at Kraft is filled with yes-people.

Come on. You were either thinking it or you couldn’t put your finger on exactly WHY this looks so wrong. I filled in the blanks for you. I DID YOU A FAVOR! Sadly, you will never again be able to look upon this image without thinking about intestines (or raw hamburger).

I can’t really decide which one is more off-putting here— the look of this product, or the description. For you see, once you are done making what is basically a box of plain, florescent yellow Mac and Cheese (AS GOD INTENDED), you will then empty a “flavor packet” into the mix to 1) turn it pink and 2) make it taste like candy.

Um……huh? Since when do hot noodles and cheese benefit from being candy flavored? Am I missing the part where you mix milk, butter, cheese powder, noodles, and CANDY FLAVORING and it turns into anything but a nightmarish bowl of hot candy? Please take a moment and name a candy that is better when served hot. If you’re about to say “taffy,” I would argue that you probably want to let that cool down first for a more taffy-like experience.

To summarize: this looks disgusting and no one said anything, and possibly the only thing worse than how this looks is how it’s going to taste when you ruin your perfectly acceptable Kraft Mac N Cheese by turning it into a bowl of hot, creamy, candy-flavored noodles. There is absolutely no way this will taste good.

This project is basically hilariously terrible from all angles and is made even funnier by the fact that Kraft seems absolutely, 100% sincere in this effort (as indicated by the perfectly-placed rose on the table).

Oh also, this is a giveaway, so go right over to https://candykraftmacandcheese.com/Home/EntryForm to try to win some.

If you do end up winning, please (for the love of God) make a video of yourself actually eating it and send it directly to me, because I am that friend who will truly appreciate it.

Also, hi! I am back for 2021!

Friday Funny: Toilet Paper Edition

What IS with the hoarding of the toilet paper, anyway? We are here at “Ground Zero” of the Covid19 outbreak (no lie!), and I still cannot figure out the thing with the toilet paper. It’s not that I begrudge people stocking up, and in fact, we did it too because it seems like the whole Seattle area is about to go on lockdown, but it was the sheer AMOUNT of toilet paper that I found confusing. How much toilet paper are people using? Is everyone nervous pooping? Why toilet paper and not…..food?

New Comic! You Feel Old, Right?

This one made me laugh out loud when Stephan sent it to me. I would like you all to know that I added the "And I Oop" part, and then I had to go Googling around to half-heartedly explain what a VSCO girl is and what that "And I Oop" reference meant. Here that is, in case you're confused (or old like us).

Yes, I know that meme is like, soooooooo OVER, but we laughed anyway.

Seriously– wasn't it yesterday that we were knee-deep in eighties slang, rolling our eyes at our parents because they thought we said "Like" too much?

You guys. WE HAVE BECOME FERRIS BUELLER'S PARENTS.

And I Oop

Updates! For Real This Time!

You guys! I have no idea why my blog decided to re-publish a random post from 2016. I mean, I’m still eating weird Oreos and I still have these same sentiments about brands in general, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I haven’t been writing over here for quite some time.

There are many reasons for that, and I won’t bore you with all of them now. I’m not even trying to vagueblog (because that is annoying). I guess the bottom line was that Funny Strange, the blog, which I have had for over ten years, wasn’t “sparking joy” for me anymore, as they say in Marie Kondo land, and I can think of no greater sin for a writer than trying to force the funny. So, over the past couple of years, I have been writing a little here and there, working on publishing projects through an imprint we’re calling “Funny Strange Press,” posting weird photos on Instagram, and generally trying to figure out life.

Here’s what I’ve made so far that might interest you!

Stephan and I created and published a book called “837 Perfectly Good Names for Your Band,” which is one of the funniest things we have ever done (if I do say so myself). We made this by re-coding a “random band name generator” program, generating thousands of results, then going through them one by one to either make them funnier or eliminate them. It’s exciting that the finished product is now for sale (in time for Christmas), because it actually does make a great gift. It is one of those books that you can pick up, flip to any page, and get a good laugh, and who doesn’t need a good laugh these days? I keep a copy on my desk for when the news gets to be too much.

https://www.amazon.com/Perfectly-Good-Names-Your-Band/dp/1693521172/

Some Funny for Your Monday

Just thought I would pop in over here to say hi and give you a good laugh for your (probably ominous) Monday.

The other day we had a power outage (because it snowed here), and although we have a generator and the power was back on when we got up, the internet had crapped out so I had to call the company. Can we agree that over 50% of our adult lives is spent solving problems and getting things back where we put them/ the way we wanted them? I think we can.

Anyhow, while I was waiting on hold for 30 minutes, I wrote this little ha-ha piece, and then Stephan Cox, voiceover guy extraordinaire recorded it. It makes me laugh all over again every time I listen to it.

So, I guess let’s all try to hang in there through 2016, cross our fingers and hope that no more legendary people die, and brace ourselves for what 2017 might hold. I am working on some funny stuff for next year to hopefully distract us.

I Got a Totally Random, Unsolicited Email About Cabinets. Hilarity Ensued.

Yesterday I got an unsolicited email from a company called “CabinetonDemand.com.” I would now like to just enumerate all of the ways this is amusing to me, and to say for the record that I do not feel badly about calling them out, because I have never visited their website or signed up for their email list. I feel that by insinuating themselves into my inbox, they are asking for some light mocking.

Here are my issues with CabinetOnDemand.com and their email:

I have no intention of buying cabinets online, ever, because that sounds like a terrible idea to me. Having just remodeled my house last year, I now know how much cabinets cost and OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CABINETS COST?! Seriously, one of the shocks of my adult life, how very wrong I was about how much I thought new cabinets were going to cost. Yes, I realize I am saying “cabinets” repeatedly, which is making the word itself sound kind of absurd. Bottom line: cabinets cost a ton of money. Do not go into the cabinet-buying process all nonchalantly.
I did not sign up for this mailing list, which in and of itself is sort of a problem, because as a rule I do not respond to or buy anything from companies that email me without my permission. Granted, maybe they got my email from a partner organization that shared my information, but I am having a hard time understanding buying leads for something as major as a whole set of cabinets, because as I mentioned, BRACE YOURSELF. CABINETS ARE SUPER EXPENSIVE. That is not an impulse purchase that you are going to want to make from one cold-call type email.
Why “CabinetonDemand.com” and not “Cabinets (with an s) onDemand.com.” I feel like if you can’t get the domain with the “s” in it, maybe you should pick another name for your business.
Back to the size and scope of a purchase like this. To me, cabinets are a major decision, not an impulse buy that you can just check off your list, so this push marketing type email where they are offering a screaming deal on “Santa Monica Cabinets” seems weird to me. This is funny in the exact same way as a sign I pass when I go to my wine store—“Discount Steinways Today!” with an arrow that points into a storefront in a strip mall. Dude. You are not getting out the door with a Steinway piano today. Buying a piano is an arduous, multi-phasic process involving sticker shock, tears, trucks, schedules being moved around, phonecalls, probably some yelling, a payment plan, a scratched floor, maintenance that you didn’t bargain for, and many, many other things. It’s not a fro-yo, and the signage makes me laugh because it really sounds like you can drive out of there right then with a Steinway, like, strapped to the top of your Subaru. Settle down, people. Some things take time.
Speaking of things taking time, who exactly is installing my Cabinet on Demand? Do I have to bring my own contractor to this party? Let me let you in on a secret, having fully remodeled my house last year—CONTRACTORS NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE MEASUREMENT PROCESS PRIOR TO THE ORDERING OF THE CABINETS, or all that money you just saved is going right out the window in extra hours and adjustments when your discount cabinets do not fit properly because you took the measurements yourself, bought cabinets from an email you got, then found a contractor and said “make it work!”
Why does there need to be a “monthly newsletter” about cabinets? Who would need to hear about cabinets every single month? Cabinets (like pianos) are one of those things you put your attention on once in a blue moon, cry when you are paying the bill, then try to forget the pain and enjoy your new kitchen. Cabinets are not something for which I would imagine there would be enough content to fill up a monthly newsletter.
If you are going to want me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on your cabinets, I am going to want you to demonstrate your mastery of attention to detail by actually filling in the excerpt text in your email template, rather than leaving the default text there. The misspellings are not helping to build my confidence either. You can’t proof your monthly newsletter, but you are going to get every detail of my cabinet order right? Probably not. Here are some of the egregious errors I noticed with my cursory 30 second glance of this email:

Again, I am not even trying to get mean here, but I did not sign up for this newsletter. I have never interacted with this company, I don’t know anyone there, and I don’t need any cabinets, so the complete randomness of this email just showing up in my inbox is kind of funny to me in general. The topic is oddly specific, the email is oddly sloppy given the gravity of a purchase like this, and the offer itself is unclear, even when I go to the website. What, exactly, does the $1920 in the newsletter cover? The fine print is so small, I honestly cannot tell. When, exactly, will my cabinets be delivered? Again, unclear. Who, exactly, is going to install these mysterious economical cabinets? I am just not getting that from this email. Why, exactly, am I on this mailing list? I simply do not know, although I would imagine that after this, I am going to be removed.

Stay tuned for this company to contact me and argue with me!

Technology Gone Wild!

First, Happy 4th of July (early)! I am frantically trying to get to “inbox zero” status before the holiday begins, and failing somewhat because it seems like half of all people are already out of the office. This email just came to me, though, and I thought I would tell you about it. Because here is, in my opinion, a totally hilarious example of technology that is not quite as sophisticated as it should be.

I don’t know if you’re a member of Rite Aid’s ambitious “Plenti Points” program—it is a co-branded system that they rolled out last year that is overcomplicated to the point of absurdism, and I predict that it is not going to last. Here is one example of how they are trying so hard, but somehow failing.

Let me now say that it is NOT THAT HARD to write a simple script that eliminates a zero value parameter and would eliminate the possibility of an email like this going out. The administrators of this autoresponder would simply need to code in a parameter indicating that people with ZERO points would not receive this email, since (as you will see), including me in this distribution produced a totally absurd result.

I give you….technology gone wild!: