Marketing – Funny Strange

Technology Gone Wild!

First, Happy 4th of July (early)! I am frantically trying to get to “inbox zero” status before the holiday begins, and failing somewhat because it seems like half of all people are already out of the office. This email just came to me, though, and I thought I would tell you about it. Because here is, in my opinion, a totally hilarious example of technology that is not quite as sophisticated as it should be.

I don’t know if you’re a member of Rite Aid’s ambitious “Plenti Points” program—it is a co-branded system that they rolled out last year that is overcomplicated to the point of absurdism, and I predict that it is not going to last. Here is one example of how they are trying so hard, but somehow failing.

Let me now say that it is NOT THAT HARD to write a simple script that eliminates a zero value parameter and would eliminate the possibility of an email like this going out. The administrators of this autoresponder would simply need to code in a parameter indicating that people with ZERO points would not receive this email, since (as you will see), including me in this distribution produced a totally absurd result.

I give you….technology gone wild!:

Where I Try Blueberry Pie Oreos and Talk About Brand Strategy

First, let’s get some housekeeping out of the way. Yes, I know, I have not been writing over here for awhile. I apologize for the extended absence—frankly, I was sort of burned out on writing all the time, and if you write at all, you know that when you are burned out, you just switch subjects, because THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU CAN DO is “take a break” from writing. When you take a break from writing, you then have to train yourself to get back in the habit, which is just as terrible as it sounds. Even knowing this, I took a break and got out of the habit. Now I have to get back in, and wow. Not fun. Should have just switched topics. Painful.

To get back on the proverbial horse, I thought I would start by talking about something that you know is one of my favorite topics, and that would be: companies trying to extend their brands by releasing strange and hilarious products. I thought today I would also couple this with a brief look at this particular company’s stock, since it might be interesting to draw a correlation between brand extension and the company’s actual success.

In a funny way, though, because I know you come here for the ha-ha.

I have mentioned the Mondelez corporation before—they make Oreos, as you probably know, but I think the company’s name makes them sound like they have offices inside Mount Rushmore, and like they must have a corporate jet that takes off by flying out of George Washington’s mouth. Am I alone in this?

Mondelez has been extending their brand equity further and further by releasing Oreo flavors that can, at this point, only be described as “surprising.” I am, of course, referring to flavors like red velvet, cinnamon bun, strawberry shortcake, s’mores, fruit punch, and the latest, fantastically random blueberry pie. I’m as sure as I can be that these novelty flavors are meant to pique interest in the brand, and that this is a curiosity play on Mondelez’ part, meaning enough people are curious about the flavor to buy one or two packages. These weird flavors are also usually only available for a short period of time, so that might add to the urgency and represent a bump in sales if a flavor ends up being really delicious (like cupcake Oreos, which are so good, I drove around town buying them up like I was the subject of Hoarders: Cookie Edition). This strategy is unique and funny, but also a little aggravating, because if a flavor sells through really well, wouldn’t it make logical sense to just add it to your permanent collection? I’m just saying.

Another weird thing to me about this strategy is that it is really not reflected on the Oreo website. You would think that since “making weird flavors” is something they’re doing now, they would know that people are going to wonder about the flavors and probably go to the website to find out more about what inspired them, how long they will be around, which ones are being developed, etc. Did I find any of that on Oreo.com? No I did not. That is crazy to me. Dude! Mondelez! People want to know about your weird cookies! Add a section on your website instead of just pointing people to an esoteric “Flavor Vault” video which tells us nothing. If you need a brand and content strategy person to help you make that happen, hit me up. I not only appreciate your strange flavor combinations, but I have actual experience in this exact area. Irene Rosenfeld (CEO), don’t you even want to issue a press release when these new flavors come out? Come ON!!!

Without further ado, let me give you my taste-test analysis of the blueberry pie flavor. I’m not a big fan of pie, but I am a fan of weirdness, so of course I bought a package of these cookies and am trying to get everyone who comes into my house to try them. By the way, yes, I did try the s’mores flavor, which tasted vaguely of s’mores and does have a graham cracker flavored cookie. I wanted to like that one more than I did, because I super love s’mores in general. Overall I liked the concept of that flavor more than the execution, as I felt like once it was in cookie form, the s’mores flavor was a little faded, meaning it was just a vague hint of chocolate and marshmallow, eliciting only a slight “Meh” and a shrug from not only myself, but almost everyone at my mother-in-law’s birthday party last month, where I had those out in case anyone wanted to taste them.

Let me add another caveat on the blueberry pie: I am not a huge fan of fruit-flavored desserts of any kind., because warm fruit is disgusting to me (yes, even apple pie. I am clearly mental). With that said, this cookie was NOT BAD, although I would say it tastes more like the cookie form of a blueberry muffin made from a package than an blueberry pie. Stephan also tried it and deemed the flavor to be “uncannily like a blueberry Pop Tart.” He seemed to like it more than I did.

The packaging on this flavor is hilarious to me as well, with its ambitious busy-ness. This might be the Oreo cookie flavor that is trying the hardest to be something that it is not. It’s a blueberry-flavored cookie, ok? Let’s relax with showing a WHOLE PIE on the package, next to a cookie that looks nothing like the pie itself. We are not playing a food-related game of “one of these things is not like the other.”

So—blueberry flavor, graham cracker-ish crust. I’m giving this one a thumbs up, but since I’m more of a chocolate person myself, I’m probably going to give the rest of these away and try to get some more passionate reactions.

The final question, of course, is: is this strategy actually working? I’m going to tentatively conclude that it is, since a) they keep doing it, and b) Mondelez’ stock price has steadily been on the incline since they started doing this regularly. Yes, they do own a number of other brands (like Cadbury, Chips Ahoy!, Honey Maid, Wheat Thins, and many others—like Tang. Did you know that Tang is still a thing?), so strong sales of each of these operating companies could be informing the upward trend.

All in all, I am consistently amused by this strategy and hope it lasts forever and gets progressively weirder. Honestly, I hope they keep pushing it until they just turn the corner and start releasing batshit crazy flavors like “Super Spicy Jalapeno and Bacon” Oreos.

And with that, I’M BACK!

I’m Sorry, I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That, Dave…..

Dude! Enough with winter already! This is joke winter. Look at my car.

Seriously? Is this what 2014 has in store for us, people? I already feel like I would like to object to the whole year just on principle.

I think I may have mentioned, 2014 has been extremely chaotic thusfar (as well as cold). Here’s an example: as part of my “It’s the first of the year, I’m going to streamline processes,” I tried to remove myself from a former client’s MailChimp account, and in so doing I encountered this error message. I think you’ll agree, it is both amusing and bureaucratically confusing.

Are they really giving me the option to delete my former client’s ENTIRE ACCOUNT rather than simply allowing me to remove myself? Um…that does not seem like a good idea under any circumstance, does it? Not that I would ever do that, but I’m just saying. This client happens to no longer be my client because they NEVER paid on time, so it’s a good thing I have strong moral fiber.

That’s all for today. I have to go work on liberating my car from that giant wall of snow and ice. I promise to write some more when I no longer feel like punching 2014 in the face.

Subway new product = #fail. This made-up word makes me sad.

I totally understand that companies need to test new products, but this kind of “whole new word” strategy always baffles me. The punniness of it makes me embarrassed to be alive. Plus, and I don’t know if you’ll agree with me on this– avocado is amazing and wonderful, and this photo somehow makes it look unappealing. Stephan said about this product photography “Yeah, that just looks like the sandwich threw up.” If you’ll recall, he also had a hilarious reaction to the “Barbeque Beef” sandwich photo a few weeks ago: “That looks like someone drug a mop through blood and then put it on a sandwich.”

Don’t get me wrong– I love a turkey, bacon, and avocado sandwich like nobody’s business. I am just doubting Subway’s ability to actually execute this concept correctly, given the look of this photo.

It’s Not Just a Can of Meat, OK?

I kind of appreciate the simplicity of this old-school packaging from Del Monte, though I feel like someone should have pointed out that the font size and style really makes the word "MEAT" pop, so much so that it looks like this is just a can of meat.

I'm not really much of a canned food eater (too much sodium and other stuff I don't really like eating), but whenever I see "meat in a can" products like this, it gets me sincerely wondering– what do they have to do to meat products to can them and make them shelf-worthy? I would imagine the process has to do with many preservatives, but it always seems strangely acontextual to me to have something that should be perishable (like meat or chicken) just sitting there in a can on a shelf, frozen in time, and that you can pop it open and eat it. How old is that meat? Scientists had to use powerful chemicals to essentially stop the natural process of decay, and that can't be good for your body, right?

That makes me start wondering– how many tries did it take before they got this process right? That is to say, did they measure decomposition and bacteria levels of meat in a lab, or did they have test-eaters who were just willing to eat old meat in order to get to the perfect preservative combination? Everything about this is gross to me.

Also, I find it rather hilarious that a can of preserved meat and tomatoes would have a tout on the bottom that says "Natural Source of Antioxidants and Vitamins A and C." If it's vitamins A & C you're after, might I suggest a carrot and an orange rather than a can of preserved meat?