Stephan would like you to know several things.
As you might be aware, today is my birthday, and so I have pre-written this blog post, just so I can fulfill my "International Day of Me" mandate and take the day off. So, right now, when you are reading this, I am probably getting a manicure. Of course, that shouldn't stop you from leaving some "Happy Birthday" messages for me in the comments, which I will be reading tomorrow. Oh yeah.
Stephan doesn't want to be my guest blogger this week because
he has his own work to do (imagine that!), but he has been cracking me up more
than usual lately with his wittiness, so I thought I'd write up a few funny
conversations from the past week or so and share them with you.
Last
week I got ten free Soyjoy bars at RiteAid (you can read about how I am all
clever like this on my other blog, of course), and I left them in the cabinet
with the rest of the protein bars, granola bars, and other healthy things that
we're supposed to eat instead of the giant box of Moose Munch [Stephan adds:
OMFG! Moose Munch! A substance made by the very god Odin himself!] that we still
have on the kitchen counter from Christmas. I'll let you guess which one I've
been paying more attention to.
Anyhow, Thursday night I was at a
graphic design class at UCLA (because I am trying to expand my mind, somewhat
successfully) when I got an email from Stephan, which read:
From:
Stephan Cox
Re: Soy Sadness
So I made dinner,
and I pulled a strawberry Soy Joy bar out in advance for dessert. Never tried
one and was relatively excited about it. I finish my dinner, tear into the
package, take a bite and OH MY GOD SO DRY. I couldn't make saliva for like three
minutes. It tastes like vaguely fruit-flavored spackle. The cartoon woman in Soy
Joy's ads is obviously happily jumping rope because she's EATING SOMETHING ELSE
OTHER THAN A SOY JOY BAR.Jesus.
s
Mind you, I'm
reading this while in class, where I'm a) probably supposed to be learning about
design theory and not reading my email, and b) trying not to burst out laughing
at the concept of Stephan being felled by a Soyjoy bar. [Stephan adds: not
felled; I spit it into the garbage under the sink. Where it will never
biodegrade, because it contains no moisture]
When I got home, he was
still all incensed and dry-mouthed and I was still laughing, and he said that he
ALSO wanted me to know that Ben & Jerry's came out with a new flavor in
honor of the Obama victory, and it's called (wait for it)
"Yes….PeCan."
That's right. "Yes….PeCan." I'm going to keep saying it
so it gets right in your brain like a worm and starts working its magic. Never
mind the fact that it's pronounced "PE-CAWN."
That's not even the best
part, though. The reason he was annoyed by this was not because it was a bad
flavor name [Stephan: even though it decidedly is], but because, years ago, he
submitted "ParlaMINT CHUNKadelic" as a proposed flavor, which I have to agree is
much better than "Yes….Pecan," and they didn't use his idea.
PalaMINT
CHUNCKadelic is pretty funny, don't you think? He even had a whole concept about
using rainbow candy pieces to represent George Clinton's multi-colored braids,
and having a promotional tie-in.
Oh world, why don't you take our good
idea? [Stephan: we’re clearly ahead of our time. Note to people of the future:
enjoy our many fine Lori & Stephan statues and mausoleums]
By the
way, when I got home I tried the SoyJoy bar, and I actually liked it. I don't
know if this means I have weird tastebuds from too much Zicaming, or perhaps an
abnormally large amount of saliva to compensate for the dryness. All I know is,
I will be eating the rest of them. [Stephan: Bon Apetit,
baby]
I love you guys! Thanks for making me laugh so often. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORI!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you (and to my kid)!
Companies never use good ideas. I wrote to Combos in high school and suggested a pretzel-on-the-outside-chocolate-on-the-inside combo, which, let’s face, sounds magnificent, and they said only their research department could come up with ideas. A year or so later – Pretzel Flips came out. THERE WENT YOUR CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZEL AUDIENCE, COMBOS. And then I wrote to M&M’s about making Trail Mix M&M’s, because when I eat trail mix I only eat the raisins, the peanuts, and the M&M’s and I thought if they either a) put a bit of peanut and a bit of raisin in the M&M OR b) put raisins in some M&M’s in one bag and then some peanuts in the M&M’s of the same bag that it would be mucho delicious. Again, I was denied because I wasn’t a part of their research organization. I had some fun emails with the company. I’ll email them to you if I can find them.