A Little More Convincing, Please.

I don’t watch The Hills, and I never got into Laguna Beach at all, but recently this couple has come to my attention, because every time their photo appears somewhere, they look like they’re posing for a parody of what a couple is, like "We’re a cheezy couple on a Hallmark card” or something. In case you’re out of the target demographic of this media juggernaut, it’s Heidi and Spencer from The Hills. From the look of these two, I’m going to guess that a publicist has told them to pretend to be a couple so that they can get publicity like this, because two reality show stars dating each other are much better than one, and then they can take it one step further, milking the whole “engagement/ wedding” media outlets, then start “arguing” and “break up” for the benefit of Life & Style and In Touch.  Right now I think they are accomplishing this by having some fake feud about something I don’t really care about. 

This picture— I mean, just come on. This kid looks like he is four seconds away from running into the arms of his boyfriend*, or whatever tramp comes out of the Cabo Cantina. Heidi is holding on for dear life because guess what? As soon as the lights of reality tv turn off, he is out of there so fast, it’s going to make her head spin.

So, this goes on in Hollywood all the time, that’s fine, I don’t mind it—but not when it’s so obviously staged. I mean, can they not even hire good actors for these off-screen “romances” anymore? This just offends my sensibilities because it looks so blatantly fake. Give me a little Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe, maybe. At least they were good actors, right?  I feel like these two are barely even trying to convince us that they actually like each other.  I’m going to need my fake Hollywood couples to go ahead and be a little more realistic, if you know what I mean.

Also, this cover just made me laugh. I think I understand what they were going for—she obviously used to be an ugly, flat girl, and she’s gotten plastic surgery to get revenge on girls that were prettier than her, ok fine. But to phrase it this way, “REVENGE PLASTIC SURGERY” sounds like she’s either coming after her enemies with the liposuction cannula of doom, or like she was sobbing in her room somewhere, going “Take THAT, Lauren and Kristen! You picked on me, so I’m going to HACK MYSELF UP, just for you. Dammit!”

*Total conjecture, based only on my expert analysis of photos of him in which he looks pretty darn gay.  But, what do I know? 

• Category: People Baffle Me Sometimes