Oh, also….
This post is for anyone who thinks there hasn’t been enough Culwell weirdness on this blog in awhile. Like, what– am I normal or something now? The answer is no– I’m still afraid of food and creeped out when I can hear people walking over my head or slamming doors in common-living type areas like hotels (NOT an uncommon compulsion, ok?). But, I want you to know that I didn’t get the OCD for germs and cleaning until WELL into my relationship with Mr. Anal Retentive Germs Guy. In fact, those of you who knew me before will attest to the fact that before I met Stephan, my car was always dirty and filled with junk, and I only cleaned my apartment when I absolutely had to. But, all that has changed now, because living with someone else’s obsession can rub off on you. Stephan is a little more careful about leftovers now– and I am semi-obsessed with dirt and cleaning. See– this is why we don’t have kids. Here are the things that bother me: noise, dirt, and spoiled food. Stephan is bothered by dirt, germs, and small people with food on their faces. That pretty much means we’re going to have to just buy gifts for your kids and come to their parties and then go home where we can bathe ourselves in hand sanitizer and relax, you dig?
So–with that rather lengthy preface in mind, over the weekend we were talking about how handy it would be to have a Dustbuster, but that we didn’t know if we’d use it once we got it home, because that’s the problem with Dusbusters, right? They’re only good in theory, and once you get one home from the store (or get it as a gift), you never get around to actually taking it out of the box, or charging it, or mounting it on the wall, or whatever damned thing you’re supposed to do with a Dustbuster. I was on the fence between a Dustbuster and a Swiffer wet/ dry mop, but I was at Target anyway, so I decided to go with the Dustbuster and keep the receipt, because let’s face it, every trip to Target is like an "opening offer" anyway, with stuff I might end up keeping or returning.
Was that sentence long enough? Anyway, maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting older and even more entrenched in my obsessive-compulsive disorder, but you know what? I HAVE USED THAT DUSTBUSTER EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. No joke! I’ve used it upstairs, downstairs, on wet stuff, dry stuff, on dog hair, in the kitchen, and in the bathroom. I use it so much I almost need a belt holster for it, so I can just contain messes in my home before they start to become problematic.
Also, on a totally unrelated note, my friend Regan is a writer for MAD TV now and I’m super happy for him, and here’s one of his sketches!
Vicodin.
Vicodin withdrawal.