Snarky Commentary, Just in Case You’re Interested.
Hey, so it turns out the best way to get your sore throat to
go away is to complain about it on your blog.
Or…maybe someone sent me some healing vibes. Thanks everybody! I am feeling much better, and the fever never showed up! Success!
Since I have been feeling less than stellar, I have
naturally been watching a lot of movies (after I’m done working, of course). This
is when having cable really pays off, I must say. Here are some notes I made for a future time when I would not feel crappy and could go back to my regularly scheduled witticisms:
Vicky Cristina Barcelona: The plot of
this film is decent, but you can literally see Woody Allen’s writing coming out
of these actors’ mouths. Doesn’t he
value naturalism? Good Lord. Was Annie Hall like this, and we just didn't notice because Allen acted in it himself? Mental note: re-watch Annie Hall and possibly Manhattan.
It’s Complicated: Remember when Alec
Baldwin….was a Baldwin? I had the biggest celebrity crush on that guy back in
the early nineties. And really, he’s not
that much older than George Clooney, who can still open a film and looks decent
in love scenes. With this in mind, why is
Alec Baldwin not a) either trying to lose weight, or b) covering up that
paunch? That movie was pretty funny
actually, but I did NOT need to see Alec Baldwin's ass. He seriously does look like he’s going to
have a heart attack, and I LOVE HIM on 30 Rock, so I’m not just talking
smack. He is a giant hairy bear of a man.
Million Dollar Baby:
Possibly the most depressing movie of all time. Just why?
Even in my weakened state I could not make it past the part where she
tries to convince him to pull the plug.
Gahhhhhhhh. That movie should
come with a warning label.
Se7en: About 35%
less creepy when edited for mainstream cable (meaning, no swear words and no
gore). Seriously, though—why do they
show this film in the middle of the night?
Even watered down, the subject matter is disturbing in a "why do people write stuff like that and put it out in the world?" kind of way.
Also, I have now officially seen every episode ever made of Law & Order: SVU, and I think I can boil this show down to a reliable and replicable formula, in case anyone from that show reads this blog and wants to hire me as a writer.
It could happen. You don't know!