The One Where I Deconstruct Commercials for Their Funny Potential

Wow!  It's been quite a week.  The Zeno Hot Spot launch, the Huffington Post blog, and a LOT of work.  Also, did I mention that we're staying at a house with no DVR so I've been watching commercials?  I've been taking notes, and I would now like to share them with you.  Here are a few that I've noticed over the past week or two, in no particular order.  Each of them struck me as strange enough to write down.  These, of course, are in addition to the totally awkward Black Friday ads that I pointed out a few weeks back. 

1.     The Kay Jewelers commercial where the guy comes in and is all “is the baby sleeping?” and the tired-looking mom is like “he finally fell asleep, and it’s 2:00 am,” and the dad is like “no, it’s 2 am Christmas morning,” and he gives her a Citizen watch, which is nice enough, but you know what that mom wants even more?  She wants you to sit up with the baby so she can go get some sleep.  So, thanks for the treacly sentiment, Kay Jewelers, but I guarantee every mom of a newborn who saw that commercial was like “Shhhhh—don’t wake that baby!  Let your wife go to bed!  Give her the watch later!”  I’m just saying.

2.    The Fresh Step commercial where the cat hires a bloodhound to find her litter box for her, because the Fresh Step cat litter is working so well, she can no longer find her own litter box.  Several critical flaws to the logic of this narrative, my friends.  For one, cats and dogs living in harmony?   That’s just crazy talk!  The other, perhaps more salient point is that if your cat can’t find its litter box, you know where it’s going to pee?

That’s right.  On your sofa.   That cat doesn’t care where it pees, and if it sticks to the litter box, it’s just doing you a favor.   Besides, this story includes a cat hand-making signs to hire the bloodhound, which implies a whole level of manual dexterity and cognitive comprehension on behalf of the cat.  Plus, where is the cat getting the money to hire the dog?  Will this dog be receiving a 1099 at the end of the year?  How did the dog learn to read, and why is he wandering the neighborhood loose, looking for a job?  There is just so much wrong with this whole concept, I can’t believe it progressed past the storyboard phase.

3.    Regional advertising, in general.   There is nothing like non-union voiceover talent and people singing your theme song to really reinforce the fact that you had to cut your advertising budget by outsourcing your advertising agency.   Yiiiikes.

4.    The Kentucky Fried Chicken ad where they are talking about “Kentucky Grilled Chicken.”  Listen, I don’t want to be a nay-sayer here, because KFC, we SUPER appreciate your attempt to contribute to the whole “healthy living of America” thing, but let’s just get this thing clear:  if I set foot inside a KFC, it’s going to be because I want some crispy fried chicken skin, some of those delicious mashed potatoes, and one of those giant biscuits.  Oh, and maybe one of those Lil’ Bucket Parfaits that I don’t even know if they have anymore.  My point?  KFC, no one is expecting you to get a rotisserie and start grilling chicken.  I’m guessing this product is going to go away faster than you can say “grease on a plate.”  On the other end of the food spectrum, what is going on with McDonald’s now offering “sweet tea?”  Did this idea finally make it here from the south?  Does America really need the option of yet another sugar-filled beverage?  Besides, everyone knows that sweet tea is only good when you let it sit out in a vat of sugar for days at a time, and I don’t believe McDonald’s is prepared to do it the proper Southern way.  So, I’m going to just go ahead and veto both of these fast-food offerings. 

So, that's it.  Have a great weekend, get all your Christmas shopping done, and report back next week with more weird and funny things. 

• Category: Advertising