Ok, I’ll admit it—the other reason I haven’t been writing as
much lately is because I seem to have this mysterious illness that keeps coming
back—an illness not unlike the mononucleosis I enjoyed at age 17, only not as
severe. I like to think of myself as one
of those really healthy types who walks four miles a day, so I try not to dwell
on this strange part of my life. I would like to
mention, though, that I totally get the flu shots and whatever other
vaccinations they’ll give me, wash my hands all the time, and take a ton of
vitamins, just so you don’t think I’m slacking. As it turns out, if I didn’t do all these
things, I probably would be getting even sicker, even more often. And, here’s why: I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH WHITE BLOOD CELLS,
PEOPLE.
Here’s how I know this:
I keep getting this thing where I have what I think is an allergy attack (see my delightful "You're Allergic to the World" allergen test above), and
then that develops into a fever/ swollen glands/ sore throat/ feeling awful
thing, and then I have to “take it easy” for a few days, and then it goes away,
and then two weeks later it comes back. Lather, rinse, repeat. If you’ve seen me lately, I have probably
been in the middle of one of these cycles, but no one ever seems to catch this
illness from me, so don’t worry—you’re probably fine.
Yes, I have been to the doctor. No, it’s not Lyme Disease, or Lupus, and no,
my mono did not come back. What I do
have a mysterious and hereditary condition called leukopenia, which means that
I have less white blood cells than you, so don’t breath on me, and that I
actually did once get on a plane in New York healthy, and land with the flu. You’re
jealous, right? This is another reason
why I’m lukewarm on little kids, because as you probably know, they can get you
really sick even if you have enough white blood cells. So, there’s that.
It’s been bugging me, though, so last week I went to a
doctor who told me that if this condition didn’t go away and I kept getting
sick for no good reason, they were going to drill my bone marrow, because, get
this, sometimes LEUKOPENIA IS THE FIRST SIGN OF LEUKEMIA. What what WHAT?
Did I need to hear this?
No! I was like “I have a sore
throat! I’ve had that white blood cell thing for TEN
YEARS. That has nothing to do with my
bone marrow, dude!”
But, as of last night the fever came back, and the sore
throat, and with no medical explanation, I either need to be on an episode of
House, or I’m one step closer to the dreaded “Hem-Onc” department.
Send healing vibes, please.
And white blood cells if you have some. I have the 'penia! Oh, and before you ask me, no– I totally don't have any of the diseases or take any of the medications listed in that Wikipedia listing. Nope! Mysterious, right?