Photo Funny: Saving Them Up Just for You.
OK. OK! The big re-write was done as of last Wednesday, and now the proofing of the galleys is done (DONE! DONE!) and off in the UPS, and that means I can turn my attention back to regular stuff, like getting manicures, and taking photos of this weird sign:
Um–huh? Now, granted, this is outside of Costco, so they’ve had to come up with a way to dispense the HUGE amount of onions they’d need to provide every day to go on those cheap hot dogs, but I’m just not sure this does it. Besides "ONIONS TURN CLOCKWISE" sounds like the name of a group of Flexus artists, or maybe some performance art group trying to be "edgy, man!" Plus, oh MY GOD, I’m not even going to go in to how totally unsanitary it is to have a MACHINE FULL OF CHOPPED ONIONS that sits out in the hot sun all day. Omigod, the onions that sit on the bottom, and get all gummy in that onion juice, and who knows how often they clean it out, and all this so you can turn a knob and get some onions? Hardly seems worth it, does it now. Does it???
This next photo comes from my cool internet friend Rachel, who, in her recent search for apartments around Los Angeles, took this photo of an unfortunately-named building:
Yeah, that’s "Crapi Apartments," which, even if you spell it all French like that and force people to pronouce it "Crap-ee," kind of like De-mee Moore, is still a weird name for a building. This makes me think the building was named by a non-native English speaker, and let’s be clear– I have nothing against the American Dream. I just think that sometimes, when you see a restaurant called "Chicken on Fire," it’s a dead giveaway that the name sounded good in their language, and when they got here to set it up, they didn’t even bother to run out into the street to show a native English speaker the name and ask "Does this sound weird to you?" So– moral of the story, if you’re opening an apartment building, or a restaurant, or a nail salon in another country, do yourself a favor and ask someone who lives there. Then you won’t end up with "Chicken Smiles Happening," or the "Crapi Apartments," which I’m sure are lovely inside.
Here’s a gem I received from our mailman earlier in the week, after the (ancient) key broke off in the mailbox, and the handyman had to come over and drill the lock like a safecracker, after which we were left with an unlocked mailbox for, let’s say 24 hours. I left a post-it note in the bottom of the mailbox for the mailman to just go ahead and leave it in there, since I knew I would be getting it right after he left. He left the following note OVER my note (and in lieu of any mail):
Nice. I like how he calls himself "The Mailman," like he’s a super-villian, and his power is withholding my mail. "You will bow to the power of….THE MAILMAN!"
Also, I’d like you to notice that the main station where the mail in my neighborhood comes from is "Karl Malden Station." I don’t know why that is so funny to me. Maybe you live in a place where your mail station is named after Martin Luther King, or Abraham Lincoln, or at least not Karl Malden, although yes, he WAS very good in On the Waterfront. Also, in order to write this Karl Malden paragraph, I decided to see why the post office is named after him, and it turns out that the U.S. House of Representatives voted in 2005 to change the name of that post office to honor Malden’s achievements in the industry. Also, Karl Malden has a star on the Walk of Fame, and has been inducted into the Western Performers Hall of Fame at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Musuem in Oklahoma. No word as to whether he actually gets his mail at the Karl Malden Station post office.
Also, if you wondered during that last paragraph if celebrated actor Karl Malden is dead or alive (no shame), you might want to check out this awesome little site, Dead or Alive Info. It seems like this site might come in quite handy during party games.
Speaking of Brentwood, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have a collection of photos like this one:
So– let me get this straight. It’s easier to have some of your friends come over and lug your 400 pound, 1970’s refrigerator down three flights of stairs, rather than just calling Goodwill to come pick it up? I think this made me laugh because it’s just sitting there so unobtrusively, like you could just reach in and get a cold beer– in the middle of the grassy part of the sidewalk. Nice. I like the "Works Good" sign as well– classy, and totally free of the confines of good grammar. Because, let’s face it– you’re already breaking the law by dumping your garbage in front of your building. Who cares if you know the difference between "Good" and "Well"? Not your problem.
By the way, this was gone within a couple of days, so obviously the sign worked.