911? Really?

So, over the holidays I started seeing this sign "CALL 911 FOR DRUNK DRIVERS."  Granted, maybe I saw it more because I was driving around more during the holidays (like, transversing the length of the state of California to give out and receive presents, as well as eat dinner with everyone we know).  Now that I research it a little more, I come to find that the California Office of Traffic and Safety is doing a huge crackdown on drunk drivers, so they started really pushing this campaign during the month of December.  They even have this catchy little sign.  Nice, huh?

Now, here’s the thing.  It’s not like I’m all "pro drunk driver" or anything.  I mean, generally speaking I think drunk driving is a bad policy, and I’ve had a couple of friends who have really paid the price (and I do mean literally) for this, and will never do it again.  I have never done it, and Stephan and I have a strict "no drink when driving" policy. But…..911 for a drunk driver?  Seriously?  I have several issues with this.

For one thing, aren’t enough people already calling 911– for legitimate reasons, like because their HOUSE IS ON FIRE, or because they’re CHOKING ON A SANDWICH, or HAVING A HEART ATTACK, or because a TIGER IS BITING THEM IN THE FACE?  Adding a bunch of cellphone-happy drivers reporting what they THINK might be drunk drivers (but honestly, who might just be idiots trying to text message while they’re driving, causing them to weave through lanes of traffic) does NOT sound like a good idea to me.

How about this?  If you see a drunk driver, GET AWAY FROM THEM.  Clear the way for the CHP to catch them, because that’s what they’re there for, and let’s leave the 911 lines open for things like TIGER ATTACKS, or things that really do belong in capital letters.  Again, I’m not saying that drunk driving isn’t a serious crime.  I’m just saying there’s only so much 911 to go around, and I don’t think we should be using it all up on people "weaving and braking erratically," which is how the CA.GOV website is defining a "suspicious or drunk driver."  Also on this list?  "Following too close," which means I’m pretty much going to have to report every single person in the municipality of Los Angeles, dude.  People are bad drivers, and I don’t believe all of them are drunk.  I mean, a guy seriously wove into my lane today in Malibu, and he didn’t seem drunk– just stupid.  What if I called 911 and had a police task force deployed to investigate this young and careless gentleman, only to take those officers away from an elderly person getting robbed?  THEN who’s the asshole?  I’m just saying.   My mother always taught me that 911 was OFF LIMITS, only to be used in EMERGENCIES, which are things you might use capital letters for.

This got me thinking– New York City has developed a very effective system for non-emergent things that you might still want to to report to the police.  They use 311, and it works like a charm.  Of course, this also brings up alot of questions, like I wonder how many years of crazy phonecalls they had to get before they were like "Um…..ma’am?  A man in your apartment building with a chicken is not a 911– it’s a 311," but that’s beside the point.  My point, really, is that 911 is for emergencies, and while an actual drunk driver might be just that, people reporting what they THINK is a drunk driver is just going to deluge the 911 system with nonsense, thus rendering it totally useless.  Like, we should be grateful we HAVE 911, and not abuse it– that’s all I’m saying.    We just got past the whole "911 is a joke" era.  We don’t want to set ourselves back as a society to the point where Flava Flav is going to feel the need to write some biting social commentary about us again, do we? 

That is all.

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