This Just In: Olsen Twins Have Bad Breath

Flu watch: day six. My fever finally broke, and now I am a little less of the zombie version of Lori Culwell though still not doing anything more strenuous than blowing my nose. Also, I am completely bored out of my mind. Finally, have taken so much Tylenol, I might need a new liver. Anyone got a lobe they can spare?
Kidding, of course. If you go multiple days with a high fever you have to go to the doctor specially for “fever management,” and they tell you what you can take, and what mixes with each other so you don’t hurt yourself. But, let’s just say that this is a fever that never breaks, it just goes down, taking you from “I’m going to die” to “I feel really hot and cold at the same time, but I’m kind of okay with it. On the plus side, ALL of my skinny jeans fit again.
Speaking of skinny girls, here’s another post from over the weekend, just so you don’t have to only get the flu update. But really, send me some healing vibes.

OMG, you know what’s funny about these sub-headlines? 

What’s funny is that Stephan and I have been saying this for YEARS, ever since those pictures of Mary-Kate Olsen, with coffee and Marlboros in hand all the time, started surfacing everywhere (a couple of years ago).  Specifically, I think we said that they look like they starve themselves, then drink coffee, then smoke Marlboro Reds, then eat toilet paper, then drink all night and throw up, and they look like their breath generally reflects all of these things.

Maybe I should start a career as a celebrity psychic– like, predicting things about celebrities that are probably true, then they get confirmed later by trashy magazines.

Or maybe I already did. 

• Category: Opinions I Have That You Probably Don't Share