Hey, thanks for reading my other blog yesterday. I'm going to be posting over there every day too, in case you want to sign up and get TWO emails from me every day.
But, now back to what's important about this blog. Great news! I'm going to just save you alot of time right now, because I really think I've just heard the worst song ever, in the history of music. It's "Pony" by a band called Far, and here is a video/ song thing from YouTube just so you don't think I'm bluffing when I say I died a little inside when I heard this song playing in my car, and yet, I was so fascinated that this is what KROQ is playing these days that I couldn't turn it off, kind of like an electric-voice car wreck.
I was further horrified to learn that, in fact, this song is a cover, so they didn't even write this brilliance themselves.
Now that you've heard it, let me quote some of the lyrics for you:
You're horny
Let's do it
Come ride on
My pony
My saddle
Is weighted
Come on and
Jump on it.
In case you're wondering why I'm writing about this song if I think it's so awful, um, this is EXACTLY like that thing that people do when they're like "Oh my God, this milk is bad– smell it!" That is how I am sharing this pain with you. Seriously, though– I don't want this to turn into one of those "what the kids are listening to today" posts, but this song is AWFUL. Like, we all knew that Led Zeppelin songs were about (shall we say) similar topics, but at least Robert Plant had the decency to cloak the horniness in metaphor, and never once did he ever say "get on my jock, girl." Remember that song "Beth What Can I Do?", about the guy who is in the rock band, and he hears you calling, but he can't come home right now, and what can he do– he HAS to do some blow and sleep with that groupie, Beth! It's BEYOND HIS CONTROL. That is the kind of "obfuscating the theme" I'm talking about, people.
This song is not only too obvious– it is poorly executed and unironic, and that to me is an even worse crime. There are how many words in the English language, and he has to say "Ride the pony" over and over again? That is just appalling.
And also, I think I just made you play that awful song in your office, where your co-workers could hear it. And for that, I apologize. On the bright side, I think this song's existence might actually be one of the signs of the apocalypse, so…. it was nice knowing you. Thanks for reading.