Yet Another Post About My Love for Costco.

Yes, it’s Costco post time again.  I know, you’re probably thinking "they’re two people– what can they need at Costco all the time?"  But, you know, Stephan and I are really creatures of habit, and so we do alot of the same things every day, like take the same vitamins, eat the same granola bars and oatmeal, and drink the same beer.  Well, he mostly drinks the beer, but you get what I’m saying.  When you eat something every single day, you might as well buy it in bulk.  Plus, have you seen how cheap the Johnnie Walker Black is at Costco?  I doubt I’m allowed to mention it in public and all, but it’s a good deal.  And when you live with a person who likes to drink, you need to save where you can, ok?

Or, maybe it’s just that I like really big stuff.  That could be it.  Somehow, the absurdity of size never ceases to amuse me.  For example, Burt Ward, who used to play Robin in the old Batman & Robin tv show, now has a ranch in Southern California called Gentle Giants Dog Rescue, where he rescues large-breed dogs and finds homes for them.  And by large-breed dogs, of course, I mean dogs that look like this:

  Frankly, Burt Ward and his family deserve a medal for taking in these huge dogs, training them, and adopting them out to good homes, because most people would take one look at a 250 pound mastiff-type dog and go running the other way.  But, one of the reasons that I love the site so much is that I just like looking at the pictures of the super-huge dogs, for some reason.   If you’re so inclined, go to their website and scroll down until you see "Avalanche, the World’s Largest Dog," a 305-pound Great Dane.  I defy you not to just sit there staring at him, wondering how much he eats, and yes, how much that dog must poop.  I’m just saying.

Anyhow, getting back to Costco and things that are big.  Sometimes I laugh out loud when I go there, because I come upon displays like this:

All I can say is:  Wow, that’s alot of air freshener.  If you have the need for Oust in this quantity, maybe you should go get yourself checked out by a doctor.  Or move away from the pig farm.  Because in my mind, your household needs a can or two of Lysol or Oust every year, and any more than that warrants some investigation.

Next, I’ll move on to this large sculpture-type thing that I think is meant for your front lawn.  "Madison," they’re calling her.  Not only is she large, but she’s a little creepy, I think you’ll agree.  AND any charming girlishness Madison might have is totally offset by the institutional, prison-like backdrop they’ve got her lying on.  I think it’s the juxtaposition that makes this one so funny to me.  Since it’s Costco, they’re not going to set Madison up on a realistic front lawn so you can see how she’ll look.  Nope.  Use your imagination, and put her in your basket.  Or don’t.  She’s hanging out there with a cage background, waiting for you to put her in your shopping cart.

I will have to just describe the last funny Costco thing– I was standing in line in back of a guy, waiting to check out, and I noticed that his basket was filled with canned squid.  Nothing else– not mayo, not pimentos, nothing you might think he would use to mix up the squid into sandwiches that he could sell at his "Weirdo Squid Sandwich Restaurant."  Just squid.  Which, I guess is really what Costco is great for– people like me, who want protein bars and oatmeal at a discount, and guys who just really, really like canned squid.  The reason I didn’t take a picture of the guy and his squid basket?  Well, come on– he’s buying a cartfull of squid, which means it wouldn’t be that much of a leap for him to just go all "serial killer" and bludgeon me, right?  He’s got a cart filled with squid, ok?  I’m not getting out my camera phone and agitating him.

• Category: Things I Think Are Funny, But You May Not