Story Songs, Part II (Special Guest Blogger)

On Friday I posted a list of story songs that I find particularly humorous (which I have now updated to include some relevant information sent in by readers– thanks!).  Anyhow, in response my friend Jim Maloy sent over HIS list, which made me laugh out loud, so I decided to make it today’s blog post.    You can see some more of Jim’s hilarious writing over on the MySpace page for Hindge Creek, where he’s written some amazingly funny blog posts.  Jim is also the absolute GENIUS behind the German post-punk band "Spieltod," which you must certainly go over and enjoy right this minute, because one of the songs features one of my favorite lyrics ever:  "Out of tune cuckoo– I now accept you as my timekeeper."

Story Songs, Part II, by Jim Maloy

1.  "Ramblin’ Man," by The Allman Brothers Band: The song starts off promisingly, with the narrator telling us a little about his personality and the circumstances of his birth. But he just throws in the towel during the second verse: “I’m going to New Orleansto get laid. Bye.” Then again, should we really expect an epic saga from….a ramblin’ man?

2.  "Up on Cripple Creek," by The Band: what really sends this story of a pretty f-d-up couple into orbit is the line in the last verse, when the narrator makes it clear that the woman he’s singing about isn’t even his main squeeze.

3.  "Paul Revere," by the Beastie Boys: F@*k Sergio Leone, this is the greatest spaghetti western ever. Especially the part about the wiffleball bat.

4.  “Maybellene”, by Chuck Berry: the Albert Einstein of story songs gives us a tale of a guy who’s insanely possessive and jealous. How possessive and jealous, you ask? He and Maybellene are clearly not seeing each other anymore ( otherwise he would have known about her new Cadillac ), but he still feels like he has the right to force her over to the side of the road. We never find out what happens when he catches Maybellene at the top of the hill, and maybe we’re all better off that way.

5.  "Wig in a Box," by Hedwig and the Angry Inch: a botched transsexual in Kansas gets ready for the graveyard shift at the supermarket by getting drunk and trying on wigs. Never mind story songs, this may just be the greatest song ever, period.

6.  "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant," by Billy Joel: Like a Bruce Springsteen epic, but one where no one ends up pregnant and working at a gas station. And did Bruce have the genius to use a tuba on his songs? I think not!!

( Oh, wait. “Wild Billy’s Circus Story.” I’m so fired. )

Jesus, the square root of all these songs is that men are dogs! Well, except the Billy Joel one.

• Category: Guest Bloggers