Green Pimpin!

I probably don't even need to preface this by saying that Stephan has some extremely funny friends, but I will. Every once in awhile, Cory, Jim, and Stephan start (and continue) some of the longest, funniest email chains I have ever seen.  Like, you leave your computer for an hour or so, and when you come back there are 25 new messages with them going back and forth, and you have to backtrack for all the funny that you missed, and by the end of the thread you have your head on your desk because you're laughing so hard. That is how the email funny usually goes: someone throws out a topic, and if all the stars line up (if everyone is by their computer and in a funny mood), then the funny starts pinging back and forth through cyberspace at a pace so rapid, it would make your head spin, and then one of them says something so witty, so droll, that they "win" the funny-off, and everyone bows to them. This week's winner was Jim.
 
Oh, also? This is a guest post, and it’s about pimps, so it has some strong language and themes. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

This is what happened on Wednesday, when Stephan noticed a hybrid Cadillac Escalade in Beverly Hills, and send an email around about how the Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for the environmentally-friendly pimp. The title of this email, of course, was "Green Pimpin'." The result was an erstwhile "Guide to Green Pimpin’," with the following guidelines:

Some Helpful Tips to Show and Prove Your Green Pimp Hand:
 
·      Recycle all your St. Ides empties. A nickel is a muthaf*ckin’ nickel
 
·      Insulate your pimp crib with recycled cellulose, and swap out all black lights with energy-sipping CFLs

·     A green pimp decides what he wants to eat BEFORE opening the refrigerator door, thus saving electricity
 
·     Use only recycled, earth-friendly metals in your crunk teeth
 
·     Try regulating the bitches on foot for a day. The rubber on a heel ain't faster than the rubber on a wheel, but the satisfaction you’ll get from doing your part to save the erf will last a lifetime.
 
·     Fair trade ice for your bling. Blood diamonds weigh a pimp down
 
·     You can leave a smaller carbon footprint on the earth while leaving a standard size footprint in a bitch’s ass with footwear made from non-endangered species
 
·     A green pimp intimidates litterbugs with braggadocio and doggerel
 
·     Solar-powered rim spinners
 
·     A true green pimp rolls with local, organically grown produce

• Category: Guest Bloggers