This is an open letter to car makers in the world.
Hey, guess what? The Toyota Prius may be the right thing to do, but it looks like a shoe. Or a canned ham, or a ladybug, depending on who you ask. And also, it’s got these teeeeny little wheels that remind me of a motor scooter or a spare tire. This must be said, because I know it’s really hard to see past the smugness of everyone driving around my neighborhood in them, but DAMMIT– THAT IS AN UGLY-ASS CAR. It’s almost like a badge of honor now, like "yeah, I’m driving around in my canned ham car, taking one for the team….what are you doing? Oh, you’re just separating out your bottles and cans? Just recycling boxes from when you move, and being careful to cut through those little rings your six packs come in, so the birds won’t get caught in them? Well….how dare you? I’m willing to drive a canned ham for our environment– why aren’t you?"
I know, I know, hybrid people are doing the right thing, they are saving the environment one gallon of sweet hybrid/ technology gas at a time and regenerative brakes, but I just….can’t. I can’t go back to driving a marginally crappy looking car, man. Not a Toyota Prius, and DEFINITELY not a Honda Civic Hybrid, which looks just like the car I had in grad school, when all I could afford was ONE box of cereal per week, and $20 spending money from the ATM. Come ON! It took me a long time to be able to afford a really nice car with heaters in the seats and a CD changer, and I feel like there should be a good alternative between, say, my car and a car that looks like a 16 year old would drive it. Making me choose between the environment and my pride when I’m driving around is not right.
I know, this is the part where all the Prius drivers are going to write in the comments– "Hey, man– we’re trailblazers, man! See you when the polar ice caps melt all over us, man!" Yes, I hear you, hippies. I’ll have you know my solution for this is to drive my nice car (which isn’t even an SUV) WAY less than you probably drive your shoe-looking environment saver.
By the way, WHAT THE HELL is a Hybrid SUV for? Seriously, don’t these things cancel each other out, so that you’re just using the gas of a regular car? Drivers of those cars should NOT get to say the words "yeah, I have a hybrid." No no no!