Bad Idea, 2.0
Remember “Bad Idea, Brand Edition,” when we discussed how Starbucks should not be making breakfast sandwiches? Well, now I have a new list of things that I think are a bad idea. Are you ready?
1. Edible Arrangements. How is this still a company? I just think it’s confusing—I mean, you know when you cut up fruit for fruit salad, and it’s good for like, the ten minutes while you’re eating it, but if you try to store it, it gets all mealy and brown? How is that not the case with the edible arrangement? What if you’re not there when the edible arrangement delivery man arrives? Do they leave it? Do they take it right back and put it in the refrigerator, or maybe disassemble it, then re-make it and bring it back when you’re home? There’s no leaving the fresh-cut melon arrangement at my door, right, because that’s food and it’s all out in the open like that, and what if a dog peed on it? This is no “eat it anytime you want” Harry & David chocolate tower, dude. I’m just saying, fresh food being delivered in an arrangement just doesn’t seem logistically feasible, and yet—they seem to be making it. Oh, they also have edible arrangement with chocolate options, in case you’re thinking of sending one. Let me know how that goes for you.
2. Locked Up Abroad. Oh—HELL no! I don’t know why National Geographic is doing this show or who is watching it, but I am not even going to entertain the possibility that I might go to prison in Malaysia. No, no, NO! I don’t want to hear someone else’s story of how one minute they were shopping at a flea market, and then they bought the wrong color hat, and then they were, like, locked up for twenty years with no access to the American Embassy or anything like that. Just to clarify, I am watching tv to relax, and there is no part of being imprisoned in a foreign country that is relaxing to me. If I wanted to be terrified during my leisure time, I might start watching shows like “I Love New York.” That’s all I’m saying.
3. Exile’s “I Wanna Kiss You All Over.” Remember when I said there were some songs on the “Soft Rock” list that were so bad, they made you ashamed to be alive? Well, this song AND the lead singer’s hair falls into that category. So, enjoy. This one gets its own special place on the list, mostly because of the bangs.