I Guess She’s Not Keeping Her “Promises”
Once she sobers up, Lindsay Lohan is going to be pissed that her mugshot isn’t as good as Paris Hilton’s, don’t you think? Does anyone else think that, the way this girl is headed, she’s trying to end up dead before she’s 30? She needs someone to babysit her all the time, or no one’s ever going to be able to get insurance to hire her on a film again. I can only imagine what a totally sucky time it is right now to be one of Lindsay Lohan’s spin-control people. Like– how do you spin this? She’s out of rehab what? Six days, and even with the alcohol-monitoring device she can’t keep it together? Yikes.
Speaking of alcohol monitoring, did you see this picture of her out and about last weekend, before her big drunken car chase arrest today? If you did, did you wonder– what’s with the ankle bracelet? Is she on probation or something? Apparently the ankle bracelet she’s wearing was for alcohol monitoring, and it’s called the SCRAM. Here’s a link to the website, where you can watch a little movie explaining how it works. Apparently it measures the alcohol intake of your body by your perspiration, which is a relief, because at first I thought they had it directly connected to her bloodstream or something, and that just looks like it would hurt, as well as being a total buzz kill for the rest of the people at the party.
So many questions with this– why’s she wearing it for alcohol? Is this part of the Promises Rehab program? Do they call you back in if you have a beer and start sweating? Does a buzzer go off somewhere? They obviously don’t lock it on you, because she was already drunk when she was arrested this morning. (for chasing someone, with cocaine in her pocket– so you know that last trip to rehab really stuck). I mean, does she have a choice in the matter? Where does the reading go? Like, is there a guy, sitting in a room, receiving a ticker-tape printout of Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol consumption? Because you know THAT’s got to be a fun job. Also, and this seems very important— were they monitoring her cocaine intake? Because that’s what we’re really interested in, right? Do they have an ankle bracelet for that?
I’m just genuinely curious as to why she was wearing it– I mean, was obviously for some purpose– maybe to show the DUI judge that she’s sober? But, she can obviously take it off, so I can’t see how this would do much good. Also, regarding this photo from the website– it’s so amusing to me because it’s so META– monitoring the alcohol output of a stein of beer? Too funny.
So clearly, I’ve finished packing, and have now turned my attention to Lindsay Lohan’s problems and this strange alcohol-monitoring contraption in order to redirect my manic "move limbo" energy. Also, my best friend Katie Holmes did not invite me to her welcome party for Posh and Becks, and I am very offended.