Every couple of months or so I like to hit up some dollar stores to see what new and totally absurd products have come out.
I spotted a new dollar store in my neighborhood the other day, so I went in to check it out. This store had all of the requirements of a truly kitschy dollar store, which are:
— Poorly tuned in music on the radio
— Products that are almost expired
— Products that look almost normal, in a David Lynch kind of a way
— Products that make you laugh out loud because they are ridiculous
— Products that are strangely named (this is a very entertaining category for me)
However (and this is a big however), this dollar store had the super added bonus of having owners that seem to be into Jesus in a big way.
Case in point: HOLOGRAPHIC 3D JESUS PLACEMATS.
Here is the first perspective. I'm very sorry you can't see the 3-D ness of this view, because it just adds to the spectacularity.
Also, the designer of this placemat clearly read the Da Vinci code, because that person to Jesus' right is just a straight-up lady, and the person three people over on Jesus' left hand side is also looking very …..feminine, know what I mean?
I'm glad you're sticking with me on this, because the real magic begins when you move the placemat and behold the other image imbedded in it:
Holy crap! Or, maybe I should coin a brand-new phrase: Holy Arm Wrestling Jesus!
This scene really brings up so many questions. Here are a few of them:
1. Was arm wrestling included in the Bible?
2. Why does Jesus have a paste-on party beard? Stephan points out that Jesus also has a very swoopy seventies hairstyle.
3. What THE HELL (pun intended) is going on with Satan's facial expression? Why does he have an underbite? Did we know this about Satan?
4. Are Jesus and Satan actually arm wrestling from different locations? Neato!
I have decided that I will be giving these placemats out as gifts. They will arrive randomly, and no note will be included, because really, what can I say in a note that would be better than this?
