One of my friends went to some kind of "east coast Burning Man" over the weekend, and I picked him up from the train station and gave him a ride over to the event. This got me thinking about the real Burning Man, and how I was just a little too (shall we say) practical and fussy to ever go to the real one, even though we were living in San Francisco when it became popular. Don't get me wrong– I backpacked across Europe and slept in some questionable places, saw the Grateful Dead, and stayed up all night a few times in pursuit of a good time when I was in my teens and twenties, but I can't imagine ANYTHING that would get me to do that now. In fact, this is a photo of a Wilco concert we went to last year, but we had seats, drank wine, and left at a civilized hour. It was grownup fun.
With that in mind, we were kicking around an idea for a business I should totally start, and here it is:
Dr. Grownups' House of Practicalities
Life is easy if you live it the hard way, and hard if you live it the easy way
Here's the premise: I go to places like Burning Man, Bonaroo, and other music festival type events, Renaissance Faires, etc. I set up a fancy, air-conditioned tent that has soundproofing, internet access, showers, clean bathrooms, etc.
I know, you're thnking "Isn't that what Scientology does?" but stay with me here. I don't want to convert people to a religion. I just want them to get some f%^king common sense.
Once people are totally burned out, they come into my tent and I offer them nutritious food, career counseling, and practical advice.
Here is a list of courses/ topics I could cover:
— Health insurance
— Savings accounts
— Proper grammar
— Grooming (yes, you CAN have those dreadlocks, 35 year old white guy, but they might limit your career options)
— Shaving (would you like to get rid of those dreadlocks? Good.)
— Career counseling (what are you good at? You don't just have to be a dog walking barista forever)
Here's the reasoning: most people who attend many music festivals feel their lives have to be "all or nothing," like if they have emergency savings and health insurance they are "giving in to the Man." This is absolutely not true. In fact, my best friend from college is a bona-fide music festival attendee/ former Grateful Dead follower, and she has a job, a child, owns a house, and has savings and health insurance. She is living proof that you can do both, and I want her as the guest speaker (and to make me look like less of a square in the air conditioned tent).
Also, I would need some kind of super ventilation / filtration system for my tent, because music festivals seem, by and large, to be mostly dirty and germy to me. Am I wrong about this? To me, Burning Man just seems an invitation to be cleaning sand out of your ass for two weeks.
Here is an article all about people who could use my service!
