Things I Have Actually Said At Home Depot (Sort of a List)
As you might remember, I have love/ hate/ fascination with Home Depot and the people who work there. Many of the things they sell at Home Depot are mysterious to me, like I actually don't know what they do or why someone would need them, and when I go there I feel like the people who work there give me a hard time for not knowing things. Actually, I think they do this to everyone (maybe without knowing they're doing it), and because I like being a person that knows things, I take this attitude a little more personally than I probably should.
I had several projects/ things I needed to fix recently, so I went to Home Depot a few times. Here are some real things I said while I was there, which I wrote down so you could laugh at me.
# 1
Me: "What's that thing, for when you have that thing?"
Home Depot Guy: "You're going to need to be a little more specific. We have alot of things here."
# 2
Me: "I need something for brown spots in my yard."
Home Depot Guy: "What's causing the spots?"
Me: "Um…is that something I would know? That's why I came here."
# 3:
Me: "What's the name of that product, for when you want to lock your window?"
Home Depot Guy: "A…..window lock?"
Me: "Don't be like that."
# 4
Home Depot Guy: "This paint swatch isn't large enough for us to match it."
Me: "If I bring you enough paint to make a decent- size swatch, I will be damaging my wall worse"
# 5:
Me: "What's that thing called, the rope that goes around the wood burning stove but does not catch on fire?"
Home Depot Guy: "Gasket."
Me: "See, there's a word I didn't even know before just now. Oh and also, what's the name of the thing that holds the fireplace poker and shovel, but not those things themselves because I already have those?"
Home Depot Guy: <long pause> "How do you have the tools and not the holder? We don't sell 'just the holder.'"
As you can see, the questions that I ask are so simplistic and absurd, you'd be hard-pressed NOT to laugh at me if you were the Home Depot guy. And yet, I get a little offended every time they laugh.