Today I would like to invite you to watch this spectacular Dr. Hook video from the 1980’s, which Stephan found and sent to me with the subject heading “You’re going to need to watch this.” He happened upon this video after I made reference to another Dr. Hook song, and he got caught in a Dr. Hook tornado and ended up here.
Indeed—now YOU’RE going to need to watch this. We’ll hold.
OK, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s just ask some of the pertinent questions that are assuredly on everyone’s mind.
1. What’s going on with the eye patch? I’ll probably be sorry for bringing this up, but the singer who also plays bongos (I know this from other videos) has an eye patch. Maybe he has a glass eye because his sister poked him in the eye with a pencil when they were kids (in which case I would in fact feed bad), or maybe he’s working on the Dr. Hook theme by having an eye patch. But—- is it really necessary for him to wear eye makeup on the OTHER eye? I feel like he’s just drawing attention to the whole “eye” situation. Also, that hat makes him look like Jose Eber—with an eye patch. OK, I think I said “eye patch” enough times to get that out of the way. EYE PATCH!
Side note: What’s with the gold tooth? Stephan says that this makes the guy look like the white man’s Slick Rick.
2. Where is this girl going? The girl whose blue jeans are talking is walking somewhere that looks like Los Angeles, but (and this is also true of a number of other 80’s videos), she’s walking for an abnormally long time, especially for L.A, but it doesn’t look cool enough to be Sunset, so let’s just say she’s walking on Fountain or La Cienega or some other equally unsexy Los Angeles street where they could afford to get a filming permit. Does she not know about valet? Also—I know she doesn’t think she’s getting in to one of those clubs, because she’s got no ID and no money.
How do I know this? Come on—those jeans are so tight we can see her ovaries. We’d know if there was anything in those pockets. Come to think of it, where are her car keys? Does she maybe just live somewhere in L.A., and she’s walking to meet someone? Let’s give this some thought.
3. What are these blue jeans saying? I know the point of this video is that “SHE HAS A NICE ASS,” but let’s just be honest here– if those blue jeans are saying anything, it’s “yeast infection.” There, I said it. Those jeans are too damned tight, and too high waisted, and just…..too, ok?
The whole video is just …so very.
Discuss.
Oh, also– we made a preliminary list of products that might have been used in this commercial: Arrid X-tra Dry, Close Up toothpaste, Prell, and Aussie Sprunch spray. Oh, and some Wet N' Wild eyeliner on Eye Patch guy, and some Aqua Net hairspray in a can for blue jeans there.
