I know what you’re thinking—I keep going away for long periods of time, then I come back and make a little funny, and then you come back and I’m gone again, and you’re like “Huh, but she’s on Twitter!” Sadly, I have so many projects going at the same time, Twitter is the only place where I have time to make funny. I'm not even trying to be like "Oooh, I'm so busy," but I'm too busy, to the point where I actually had a minor meltdown last week and decided I needed some time management help, so I bought a book and started listening to it while I'm on the treadmill (because do I have time to sit and read a book? Um….that'd be no). That seems to be going well, although the other day I did laugh because the organizational guy who wrote the book said something like "There is a system for staying organized….it's called prioritization," and from then on I started imagining him ending every sentence with the word "stupid," like "It's called prioritization….stupid." Is this the big reveal? I need to prioritize? Well, shut my mouth!
Also, I'm not trying to make excuses for my lack of prioritization (stupid) —but is that not some of the funny in Funny Strange—just how friggin random some of stuff is that I feel compelled to talk about, and how there is no way to predict just when it will happen or what I will think is funny? I’ll tell you, I have been observing funny things and photographing them with my phone, but at the same time I have mostly just been doing tech things, which aren’t that funny, unless you’re my friend Vincent Flanders, and Web Pages That Suck is already so spectacular, like, how could I top that?
I do like to send him spectacular websites that are funny from time to time, and he agrees that I have a knack for picking out websites that are so bad, they border on the realm of absurdity and almost make you go “Wow…..well done.” Actually, I sent him one this week– do go over there and try to figure out which one it was, won't you?
Actually, the thing I thought was the funniest in the past two weeks has to do with a B-level celebrity, and I don’t know if I’m totally at liberty to tell you about it because I think I might be bound by some kind of professional ethics, but let’s just say that SOMEONE on a cable show thinks they are more famous than they actually are, and this resulted in them getting some custom-made paparazzi shields for some gates around their house, and when I found out about this I thought it was super funny and have laughed about it every single day since. You guys. Custom-made paparazzi shields. To shield him from paparazzi that, as far as I can tell, AREN'T FOLLOWING HIM.
WHO KNEW THAT WAS EVEN A THING? This person is not Lindsay Lohan, and for the crime of being “high on one’s own supply,” I’m now pretty sure they’re going to get killed off on their show. I almost wish I was still writing Hollywood Car Wash, because this is definitely the kind of story that would go in there, and later, people would be like “COME ON, THAT IS NOT A TRUE STORY,” and I would have to cover my hand with my mouth to keep from blurting out the person’s name.
Anyhoo, I thought for today’s bit of randomness I would just show you this giant piece of corn I saw hanging randomly in Target.
Um….who approved this huge ear of corn? Does Target even sell corn? I mean, maybe they sell canned corn, but is Target getting into the fresh food and grocery business now? Further, why is this corn hanging right before the office supplies aisle? Are we supposed to equate this large corn with some kind of summer festival, and therefore determine that we need to shred some stuff?
I know, it sounds like I’m reaching. I get that the corn is sort of pointing to a "Kitchen" sign, and in the kitchen, you can use your pots and pans to cook some corn (is that how you cook corn? I honestly don't know). But, this corn stopped me in my tracks, and I actually am reaching to figure out what would compel executives to approve the “Giant Hanging Corn” concept, and that each step of this plan was approved and executed, and no one ever went “Hey, you know what? We don’t actually SELL corn,” and everyone chuckled and went “Oh yeah, that’s so dumb!” and went back to what they were doing, like making sure there’s enough Target-brand Benadryl and shampoo there for me when I need it.
It’s the intention BEHIND the customization of these things (the paparazzi shield, oh look, I mentioned it again) and the giant corn that make me laugh, you see. Every step along the way—the concept, the design mockups, the actual fabrication, the CARE that goes into these things is so funny to me because it just indicates a complete loss of perspective and lack of any one person going “WHY AM I MAKING HUGE CORN?”
Stuff like this makes me stop and stare, and think “Seriously—who approved this?”
This sign also belongs in this category. By the way, I’m really glad I have you all trained now and that I get emails and texts and tagged in Facebook photo galleries, because I am the EXACT person you should think of when you see something like this:
Fantastico, and special thanks to Malificent for taking it. Not really sure what "Berms" are, but…okey dokey, I guess. Nice sign! I will be sure to steer clear.
Oh, also? This goes out to the person who left the comment on the "Punch Your Mouth In Its Face" post. Actually, I AM the target audience for that product….I love spicy chips (RIP Crunch Taters, the best chip of all time), and I was hungry at that moment, so if not for the super odd placement and phrasing, I might have actually tried those chips. I still think "Punch Your Mouth In Its Face" and gasoline fingers make a funny combination, and I am standing by that claim.
Go forth and take absurd photographs, everyone!
