Wrong!
So, over the weekend Stephan and I were discussing how advertising (and counter-advertising) is mostly guilt-based now, so it really seems like no matter what you do, it's always wrong– like, "oh, you're trying to drink soy milk? Oh, make sure it's not from genetically modified soybeans or you're WRONG WRONG WRONG," or "Oh, are you wearing sunscreen every day? Well, THAT kind is filled with chemicals anyway, so it's actually more likely to give you skin cancer than just getting sunburned in the first place," and so on.
This kind of thing is starting to piss me off more and more, until I want to just take a bite of a live cow and slather it with pesticide, all while wearing a fur coat, letting the sun burn me, and listening to Rush Limbaugh. OK, maybe that last part was taking it too far, but all the preachiness about organic this and natural that is really getting to me, and I feel like even though the rhetoric itself is supposed to be anti-establishment, it makes me want to be even MORE anti-establishment, like I want to punch out a hippie. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I went to the Grateful Dead, and I was actually punched BY a hippie? Yeah, good times.
Speaking of ridiculous, overkill-like things that make you feel like you're not trying hard enough, my friend Shannon sent me a heads up about this bizarre commercial. I will let you watch it before I point out the glaringly obvious reason why it is so funny:
Right– so, are you about to wash your hands, possibly to get the germs and bacteria off? Well, now they're going to make you feel guilty about touching the SOAP PUMP, WHICH MIGHT BE COVERED IN BACTERIA.
Dear Geniuses at Lysol,
Um– yeah. Thanks for the commercial trying to guilt me into buying your hands-free soap container product, because now apparently the soap pump is covered in bacteria I WAS TRYING TO KILL WITH YOUR SOAP. Trying to guilt me into not touching the soap pump because it's too dirty has now pushed me over the edge, and now I want to never wash my hands again.
Of course, yes, I know this will probably make me sick, but I don't care. I am silently protesting your extraneous and ridiculous hands-free soap pump at the expense of my own health, because SHAME ON YOU. This overkill has to stop. One person at a time, Lysol! I object!
seriously though, who cares what germs are on the pump? you’re washing your hands anyway for goodness sake!
PREACH IT SISTER!!
Any soap dispenser that REQUIRES BATTERIES is just beyond ridiculous. You know what, I will eat food off the floor. I will let you spit gum into my hand so I can throw it out for you. Hell, I’d probably take that gum out of your mouth and put it into mine. But you know what? I rarely get sick. Cuz I wash my hands a lot. And I totally touch the soap pump.
My God. I hate people so much!
Carie’s comment was EXACTLY my original point to Lori when I told her about this commercial. I mean, are they idiots to either a.) not realize they are marketing a product that there is literally NO need for because their very argument for the need for the product is fundamentally FLAWED?; or b.) think the public is so stupid as to not realize that it’s fine to touch the soap pump since you are washing your hands anyway?! ARGH! Can’t stand it. I hope NO ONE buys this.
Hey! For health reasons, I’ve decided to adopt a raw, total vegan diet… “But wait—are the raw foods you’re eating GMOs? Are they pesticide-free? And, they’d better be organic. Plus, they need to be locally grown, because shipping is bad for the environment. Also, was anyone exploited in the growing of the food?”
Fuck it. I’m eating a Big Mac.
Ok, my kid licked mud off his hands the other day. MUD! In the Public Park. A place a dog likely peed. And he’s still living. And not sick. Why should I worry about a soap pump?