Over the weekend our friends Jack and Brooke came into town (hi Jack and Brooke!) and we took them to the Third Street Promenade, because we were pretty sure they weren’t getting their daily supply of crazy since they’ve been living in Seattle.
Sure enough, it only took one trip to Big Dean’s (which technically is on the pier, but is still well within crazy territory), and we found this guy. Now, bear in mind, it’s hot and all, but this dude is basically in his underpants, and he’s walking around like that’s totally ok. I cropped his face off in case it turned out to be one of the Weinsteins or something, but his glasses and hat make him pretty unrecognizable anyway, and ANYWAY, HE WAS IN HIS UNDERPANTS IN BIG DEAN’S ON A SATURDAY, SO I’M PRETTY SURE HE’S NOT MODEST. If you enlarge the photo (no pun intended), you will notice that not only is everyone else around him fully clothed, but that the guy in between the two swimsuit guys is trying not to laugh, like “oh man, I am just trying to enjoy my lunch, and now I have to do that while staring at some dude’s butt.” This is pretty much the effect this guy had on everyone, everywhere he went, and yet he was totally oblivious to it. ‘m not sure I can really capture the full splendor of this guy with a photo, or even with a description. Let me just say that he was much paler and in worse shape in person, and he had absolutely no compunction whatsoever about just standing around shooting the breeze with his friend while his buttcheeks were on full display, and that after I took this photo, he sat down and enjoyed this beer, with his legs wide open. Oh. My. GOD. Maybe you really had to be there to hear the audible gasp when he was doing this. The woman at the table next to ours started actually screaming, like “NO! NO! OH MY GOD!,” then got out her cellphone and took pictures. She made no effort to hide this mortified fascination, and he acted like he had no that it was his tiny bathing suit that was provoking this reaction.
I have only a few possible explanations for this. 1) He is European, and really does not give a crap. Ciao! 2) He lost a bunch of weight, and this is the best he’s ever looked, so he’s totally going to hang out in public in tiny swimsuits for the rest of his life, or 3) We were all being filmed for an episode of Punk’d, or for a new Borat-derivative.
