Stop It, You Real Estate Sweet Talker!

I don't know if you know this about me, but I like buying real estate.  I like it so much, in fact, that in addition to the place where we live in L.A. (about to become a rental, in case you know anyone!), we also have property in other places like Austin and Dallas and some other places.  I say this only to preface the fact that I get a number of different email listings for houses in various areas of the country, and lately I have noticed, shall we say, a tone change?

It's like real estate people have given up, y'all.  They're not even doing that thing where they're like "it's charming and cozy."  Now they're just saying "small," like "it's small, ok?  Buy it or don't.  It's already marked down 40%."  This is especially true of the bank-owned properties.  The banks now have so many of these, they're cataloging them like dogs at the death-row pound.  "This one is beige, and it seems like he's fine.  Take him or don't– it's all the same to us."

I got this stunning example of a "we don't care anymore" real estate description in my inbox just today.  Please note that this was attached to the listing INSTEAD of the description.  You can almost hear the dejected sigh of the bank representative as you read it:

Sale Includes: Microwave Oven
Roofing: Tile
Sewer/Septic System: No Sewer or Septic
Shower: 2 or More Stall Showers
Water Sources: Other Water
Year Built: 1944

Wow, sign me up!  This one is almost as appealing as the "house with roots growing through the foundation" that I found on the MLS a few years ago, or (even better) the "house that is small and dank, needs work, and has a squatter" that was on a hand-written list I got from a sad realtor in a mountain town that I will not name. 

I'm just saying, even though prices are way down and the market is all downtrodden, I would still like a nice description, even if it's just a real-estate snowjob.  Wouldn't you? 

• Category: Funny Ha Ha