This morning, I got an email that I found at once
so hilarious and so macabre that I had to immediately stop what I was doing and
start this post. Because that's how it is with this blog– either it's writing
itself, or….nothing. This is the nature of things that are funny and
strange, right? They hit you, and you have to tell someone, preferably right
away.
so hilarious and so macabre that I had to immediately stop what I was doing and
start this post. Because that's how it is with this blog– either it's writing
itself, or….nothing. This is the nature of things that are funny and
strange, right? They hit you, and you have to tell someone, preferably right
away.
So, let's just get this out of the way. If you
don't know already from reading this blog, my mom passed away suddenly in
2003. Everyone who knows me knows this, of course, and probably if you've read
one of my books, it's clear because all of my protagonists have only one parent
(not a mysterious convention, just what I feel like writing about), and I think
I have mentioned it a few times here– not to be morbid or anything, but it is a
fact about me, so sometimes it shows up. Anyway, if you didn't know this and
now you feel bad for me, thank you for your sympathy. I really do appreciate
the good wishes, and have ever since it happened. My mom was 59 when she died
and I really miss her, and it actually really does strike me as unfair sometimes
that I have to go through the rest of my life without a mom.
don't know already from reading this blog, my mom passed away suddenly in
2003. Everyone who knows me knows this, of course, and probably if you've read
one of my books, it's clear because all of my protagonists have only one parent
(not a mysterious convention, just what I feel like writing about), and I think
I have mentioned it a few times here– not to be morbid or anything, but it is a
fact about me, so sometimes it shows up. Anyway, if you didn't know this and
now you feel bad for me, thank you for your sympathy. I really do appreciate
the good wishes, and have ever since it happened. My mom was 59 when she died
and I really miss her, and it actually really does strike me as unfair sometimes
that I have to go through the rest of my life without a mom.
But that's not even what this post is about. If
you've lost someone that's close to you, you are going to totally feel this
post, which is about the lingering minutia that crops up after someone close to
you is gone, that will remind you they're gone, but in a "gallows humor" kind of
way, so all you can do is shake your head, laugh, and go "ok then." Here's an
example: after my mom passed away I was responsible for all her financial
affairs, all the insurance paperwork, all the disability, blah, blah blah. I
managed to wade through a sea of bureaucracy, probate, and every other stupid
thing WHILE I was mourning the loss, and wouldn't you know? The one place where
I just couldn't make the paperwork stop was….America Online, which, I kid you
not, requires an original death certificate, signed by the coroner, in order to
close someone's account without their authorization when the account belongs
only to that person. Power of Attorney be damned! America Online does things
by the book. I'd say it took six months for all the paperwork to slowly
dwindle down to a trickle, and even then I was still getting mail addressed to
my mother, from America Online, to the point where it was funny to me. There
were several other examples of this, like an ongoing back and forth I had with
the disability office, or the receptionist-lady at the front desk of the ICU who
thought it was a good idea to give me a "warning" talk about how if patients'
family members didn't start using the intercom-entry system like they were
supposed to, they wouldn't be able to come in anymore, only she told me this
when I was there for the very last time (if you know what I mean), so I was like
"thanks alot, only I won't be needing to follow your stupid rules, because I'm
NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN," then told her she needed to go to sensitivity
training, and that as far as I was concerned, she was fired.
you've lost someone that's close to you, you are going to totally feel this
post, which is about the lingering minutia that crops up after someone close to
you is gone, that will remind you they're gone, but in a "gallows humor" kind of
way, so all you can do is shake your head, laugh, and go "ok then." Here's an
example: after my mom passed away I was responsible for all her financial
affairs, all the insurance paperwork, all the disability, blah, blah blah. I
managed to wade through a sea of bureaucracy, probate, and every other stupid
thing WHILE I was mourning the loss, and wouldn't you know? The one place where
I just couldn't make the paperwork stop was….America Online, which, I kid you
not, requires an original death certificate, signed by the coroner, in order to
close someone's account without their authorization when the account belongs
only to that person. Power of Attorney be damned! America Online does things
by the book. I'd say it took six months for all the paperwork to slowly
dwindle down to a trickle, and even then I was still getting mail addressed to
my mother, from America Online, to the point where it was funny to me. There
were several other examples of this, like an ongoing back and forth I had with
the disability office, or the receptionist-lady at the front desk of the ICU who
thought it was a good idea to give me a "warning" talk about how if patients'
family members didn't start using the intercom-entry system like they were
supposed to, they wouldn't be able to come in anymore, only she told me this
when I was there for the very last time (if you know what I mean), so I was like
"thanks alot, only I won't be needing to follow your stupid rules, because I'm
NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN," then told her she needed to go to sensitivity
training, and that as far as I was concerned, she was fired.
I will just conclude this prologue by saying that
when someone close to you dies suddenly, it is actually really hard to think of
all the accounts, all the dry cleaning that might not have been picked up, and
all the other little things that might be in that person's desk drawer or on
their "to do" list. You don't know, dude! There's no way you can think of
everything. And so, at a time which will be unknown to you, sometime in the
future, something will crop up in a place where you didn't expect it, and it
will be so ridiculous that it will make you laugh. In the future, I will also have to cover "people who find death so disconcerting that just seeing you causes them to blurt out weird things," because believe me, that is a whole different blog post.
when someone close to you dies suddenly, it is actually really hard to think of
all the accounts, all the dry cleaning that might not have been picked up, and
all the other little things that might be in that person's desk drawer or on
their "to do" list. You don't know, dude! There's no way you can think of
everything. And so, at a time which will be unknown to you, sometime in the
future, something will crop up in a place where you didn't expect it, and it
will be so ridiculous that it will make you laugh. In the future, I will also have to cover "people who find death so disconcerting that just seeing you causes them to blurt out weird things," because believe me, that is a whole different blog post.
So, a couple of months ago, one of my best friends
since childhood experienced a sudden, tragic loss when her boyfriend,
unfortunately, took his own life. Of course I didn't write about that here,
but again, if you know me and my circle of close friends, you probably have
heard about this tragic event. My friend has been so amazing about the whole
thing, really stronger than you ever could expect anyone to be under the
circumstances. And, just like me, she is experiencing this "slow dwindling of
paperwork and reminders." It's been about four months since this happened, and
I believe that everything is pretty much wrapping up….
since childhood experienced a sudden, tragic loss when her boyfriend,
unfortunately, took his own life. Of course I didn't write about that here,
but again, if you know me and my circle of close friends, you probably have
heard about this tragic event. My friend has been so amazing about the whole
thing, really stronger than you ever could expect anyone to be under the
circumstances. And, just like me, she is experiencing this "slow dwindling of
paperwork and reminders." It's been about four months since this happened, and
I believe that everything is pretty much wrapping up….
That's when she booted up her Nintendo Wii this
morning. Apparently no one told Nintendo Wii of her boyfriend's unfortunate
and unexpected demise, because the Nintendo Wii lady all of a sudden started
asking about the whereabouts and exercise status of the Mii that represents her
now-deceased boyfriend.
morning. Apparently no one told Nintendo Wii of her boyfriend's unfortunate
and unexpected demise, because the Nintendo Wii lady all of a sudden started
asking about the whereabouts and exercise status of the Mii that represents her
now-deceased boyfriend.
This is what she emailed me this morning. I am
changing the name of the boyfriend to "Brad," just to respect everyone's
privacy, and taken out some things, but I think that you will find the overall
subject matter to be absurdly amusing.
changing the name of the boyfriend to "Brad," just to respect everyone's
privacy, and taken out some things, but I think that you will find the overall
subject matter to be absurdly amusing.
From: My Friend
To: Lori Culwell (and others)
To: Lori Culwell (and others)
Subject: Why I hate my Wii Fit
You
are going to love this one.
I
just got on the Wii Fit to see my weight and work out……suddenly Wii Fit lady
asks me how Brad is doing.
She
gives me 4 choices (is he slimmer? did he gain weight? etc). because he has a
Mii on the Wii fit home screen, and it's been awhile since his status was
updated.
Needless to say there is no choice for "dead" in the Wii Fit
world, so I answer "the same" to just be able to move on to the next screen.
She says back to me "change is always good, don't you think?" The screen after
that says "Maybe you are not paying enough attention to Brad," then the screen
after that says ”on a side note did you know that dogs become more motivated the
more attention their owners give them?”
She
also tells me that I am lazy…..
So, that's about it for today– I am just going to
leave you now, laughing while covering your mouth with your hand and going "NO!
NOOOOO! That's AWFUL!" since you have now observed how, taken out of context,
the Wii Fit lady could just be doing her job and suddenly create a situation so
very, very wrong and insensitive that it turns into black comedy.
leave you now, laughing while covering your mouth with your hand and going "NO!
NOOOOO! That's AWFUL!" since you have now observed how, taken out of context,
the Wii Fit lady could just be doing her job and suddenly create a situation so
very, very wrong and insensitive that it turns into black comedy.