Look away!
A couple of years ago I was driving somewhere on a Sunday night and happened to catch an episode of that show Offramp, on KPCC. If you don't live in Los Angeles, you've probably never heard of it– they do these profiles and segments on "interesting things you probably didn't know about L.A.," and it was the first time I'd ever heard it in my years of living here, so I let it play.
Only, and I'm sure this is already going to start you laughing (at me), this particular night's episode was all about the HISTORY OF THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT'S RESTAURANT GRADING SYSTEM, like why they get A's, and B's, and C's, and how they get shut down, and how before they started this system, the health department was totally on the take and the restaurants were all dirty, and listen, I know I should've turned it off, because like, I don't need another reason not to go to restaurants, ok? In case you don't know what I'm talking about, I think you should go read this article I wrote a few years ago for Common Ties, all about how I am afraid of food.
But I couldn't. It was totally, morbidly fascinating to me. It was all about this investigative journalist Joel Grover, and how he changed the whole system so that it's all open now, and he got all these dirty health inspectors fired, and totally made the world a better place. It was so fascinating that I listened to the whole thing, THEN I went to the website of the L.A. County Department of Health, just to make sure all the places I like to go got an "A." Because, just from listening to the report, I got all scared about how awful the place would have to be to get a B rating, and then I started grossing out in retrospect from "B" rated restaurants where I ate before I knew about the rating system. Like, the La Salsa on the Third Street Promenade got a "B," and I didn't realize it until I was in the middle of eating a burrito one night, and right there, I almost started crying. This is the power of public radio, people.
But, back to the website, where they catalog the infractions. It's actually not as detailed as you might want it to be (for instance, it doesn't say EXACTLY why they got the bad rating, but it does give you a category (like, the restaurant leaves food out too long, or the counters are unsanitary, or the ceiling is leaking RAINWATER INTO THE FOOD, OR THE HEALTH INSPECTOR FOUND A FOREIGN OBJECT OR BUG IN THE FOOD, OR THEIR SEWAGE SYSTEM IS BACKED UP INTO THE FOOD PREPARATION AREA, OR THEY LEAVE SEAFOOD OUT FOR TOO LONG.
<pause for screaming>
Yeah, that's about how long I last on the website before I'm all tweaky, like "Oh my GOD, what did they do, specifically?" so I know if I should avoid the place forever, or just until they get re-inspected. Also, I'm very on the fence about a place that has an "A" rating, but they got a score of 90. That's one point from a "B," ok, and as I'm sure you've probably gleaned from my previous writing about my obsession with food germs, now I won't even WALK IN THE DOOR of a place that doesn't have an "A." Another example, we went to the Laemmle Theater in Santa Monica to see "Slumdog Millionaire," and for some reason their concession stand (where you buy the popcorn) has a "B." Not only did I refuse to buy anything, even a soda, from that concession stand, but I seriously was staring at the four guys behind the counter thinking "Why are you all not cleaning every available surface right now, with bleach, in case I am the health inspector?" I told all this to Stephan, and he told me that usually he tries to eat at places with A's or B's, but that once, when he was volunteering for the last presidential election (the one in 2004), he ate downtown at a place that had a "C," and he didn't notice until he was on the way out.
I think you can only imagine the rapid pace at which I would have driven myself to the hospital if this situation had happened to me. Apparently they won't even GIVE you a grade if you score below 70. So, "C" is really the lowest you can go before you're just about out of business.
I know, I should have turned it off. And, I DEFINITELY shouldn't have gone to the website. On the bright side, now there are a few places (a very few) that I feel totally comfortable eating because they got such high grades, and a few places that I know never to go into, under any circumstances.
And I always thought that I was the only person totally paranoid about where I eat like this. Here in Austin they put the health inspection scores online too. I always go check it before I go out to eat now. I’m amazed at the places that are the cleanest, like Sonic (seriously?!) but also by some of the fancy pants restaurants that are absolutely filthy.
God help you if you ever travel in Southeast Asia woman. Nothing even gets good until it’s fermented under the sun for a few hours.