….aaaannd, we’re back.

 Whoa– two whole weeks went by!  Did you notice?    If you were sad and morose in my absence and had to listen to the Smiths, I do apologize.  I should really have warned you that I was going on vacation, to try to grow back the writing bones that I broke by overworking during 2008.   Miraculously, my mind seems to have sorted itself out while I was unplugged in Carmel for the Best Vaction of All Time, and so here I am again, with words, and pictures, and a new banner, and Twitter!  How you like them apples?  Crunchy, huh?  That's right.

But, before I leave the subject of just how much I needed a vacation, um– did everyone else feel as burned out as I did at the end of the year?   I don't know if it was all the deadlines, or the 100 yard dash toward Christmas, or trying to remember to pack all the medications for the arthritic dog for two weeks of being away, but let's put it this way– by the day after Christmas I had developed a severe case of vacation narcolepsy, wherein I could read one article from the stack of New Yorkers I'd been saving, and then I would go right to sleep.  I know, some of you are going to blame this condition on the length and depth of those sprawling New Yorker pieces, but I don't think it was that.    I think I was just crispy fried done, and now I feel like I can once again get by with only a regular amount of sleep, as opposed to my required twelve to thirteen hours during vacation times. 

Anyhow, I don't really make New Years' Resolutions because I really try to make an effort to do the best I can with my life all year long (I'm not even just saying that.  I am totally serious), but one thing I will NOT be doing this year is giving up meat, as I tried becoming vegan for one month in 2008, and (with apologies to Kathy Freston), it was the worst!  For one thing, bacon is delicious, and I'm sorry– I know that pigs are sentient beings, and I really try to make an effort to eat organic, but….WHY IS BACON SO GOOD?  And steak?  And carne asada?  I'm not even kidding.  I eat these things every day, and I don't even feel guilty.

I actually put a pretty decent effort into it- like, I went to Whole Foods, got a bunch of meat alternatives (like Quorn, which I consumed totally without irony), and was trying to be serious about it.  I also was a vegetarian in grad school, though I must admit this was mostly financial, as I made $8,000 in one year and couldn't really allow myself to even consider things like steak.  During grad school I also ate generic cereal with names like "Confruity Crisp" that forced me to give up irony in a similar way.  Oh, also– I lived on $20 a week, and if I spent more than that, I couldn't afford to WASH MY CLOTHES.  So, maybe I associate the lack of meat with being really poor, who knows.  Oh, I was also dating a guy who was a vegetarian, and that probably had something to do with it. 

Anyhow, a few weeks into the Vegan Experiment I noticed I was weak and shaky all the time, even though I totally take enough iron in my vitamins every day.  And, I happened to really notice this on a Sunday, which is when we always go to this awesome carne asada place in El Segundo.  And, I was going to be good and get a bean burrito, but then I figured that the beans probably had lard in them anyway, which is made of animal fat….and… so I got the carne asada burrito I always get, and I was all prepared to feel crappy and be like "ha– now I get it!  I feel the cosmic enlightenment of not being full of animal flesh!" 

But, guess what?  I felt like freaking SUPERMAN.  I was high on meat for the next day and a half.  I was productive, and happy, and I know this makes me a bad person and unenlightened and all, but I just wanted to let you know that if you read Quantum Wellness and tried to become a vegan for your New Year's resolution and have already failed, you're not alone, man.  I.  LOVE.  MEAT.

"I love meat" is a really good way to end my first blog of the new year, don't you think?  I'm happy with it.  I think "I love meat" is going to be my new catchphrase. 

• Category: Interesting, no?