Over the weekend I was in line in back of a guy in Starbucks, and I started eavesdropping on his conversation with the barista. Now, I say “guy” because I didn’t recognize him, or maybe I just wasn’t paying good enough attention. Did I mention I was in line buying coffee, and that without coffee, my brain can’t be held accountable?
My brain snapped to attention, though, when the guy said these words: “I need my latte to go…. I wrote a famous book, and now I can’t stand the attention.”
This is the part where I took my sunglasses off so I could see if he was serious. But, come on—the very statement “ I wrote a famous book” pretty much guarantees the fact that you did NOT write a famous book, right? And, besides, even if you wrote a famous book, are you really so recognizable that you can’t sit in Starbucks in Brentwood? Really? Because Usher can sit there, and so can Diane Keaton. Not that they wrote famous books, but you get my point.
Anyhow, Famous Book Guy wasn’t done, and now I’m starting to think he wrote a famous book—inside his own mind. You know what I mean?
“Usually my female fans are the most aggressive,” Famous Book Guy says. Barista Woman nods in a deadpan way. I’m sure she sees this kind of thing so much, SHE could write a famous book.
Ok, then Famous Book Guy got his decaf whatever latte, but instead of leaving like he said he said he’d need to because of the book-buying mob that was right around the corner, he SAT IN FRONT OF STARBUCKS, outside, where people could see him and such. Now I’m curious, only you know I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of approaching him and asking him what his deal is, thereby validating his “I wrote a famous book” fantasy.
Finally, the barista came out for a cigarette break while I was still sitting there, so I was like “hey, what book did that guy write?—the one who said he wrote a famous book?”
And she goes—
“Nah, girl, he crazy! He ain’t write no book. He’s crazy or something, but clean crazy, you know? Takes a shower and keeps the crazy under control, but comes in every day with a different story.”
Still not ruling out the fact that he actually did write a famous book, but I just think it’s funny that the Starbucks woman was so totally over him, no matter who he was.
Oh, also? That new Pike Place roast Starbucks introduces as their daily brew? Delicious!