Weird Google Searches, Part I
So, ok– I’m sure you know that I do Search Engine Optimization for big companies and authors, right? You can totally contact me if you need that service, but this post is more about some funny stuff that I’ve found while doing keyword research in support of SEO services.
In case you don’t know what SEO is, here’s the boiler plate: internet searches represent “demand,” while content on your website equals “supply.” My company uses keyword research to find low-competition terms plus real writers (what a concept!) to make sure your website gets seen by people who have the need that you’re fulfilling. Hope that makes sense.
Anyhow, as part of the “keyword research” part, I frequently stumble upon searches that convince me of the utter insanity and chaos of people in the world.
I was thinking of compiling these into a book. Here are some of the sections:
Searches that make us worry about you and should probably trigger a visit from Social Services
-How to commit suicide
Searches you probably don’t want the answer to:
-Where does Amanda Bynes live?
Searches that will probably warrant a visit from the FBI (ie, you do realize your IP is public, right?)
-How to make meth
-How to grow weed
-How to send pot through the mail
-How to make moonshine
-How remove blood stains
Searches that make us never, ever want to date you
-How to cut your own hair
-How to become a real vampire
-Why does my vagina itch?
-How to have sex
-How to masturbate
Searches clearly conducted at 2 AM
-How long does cocaine stay in your system?
-How does the morning after pill work?
Searches that make us wonder how you can operate a computer
-How do I become a vegetarian
-How do I grow a beard?
-How do I make an open fireplace?
One-word searches of glorious randomness
-ear
-horse