So, I was at the lady doctor the other day (get over it,
women have to go every year), and while I was on the way out, I noticed a wall
of totally hilarious brochures. I’m
sorry, I know I’m supposed to be a grownup, but something about this one in
particular is so funny to me, I was compelled to scan it and deconstruct for
our amusement.
First of all, why is there even a brochure for penile
self-injection at my lady doctor’s office?
As far as I know, they don’t even treat men there at all. So—is this for your male significant
other? I kind of feel like, if you’re
having problems in that area, isn’t there a blue pill for that situation, and
couldn’t there have been a brochure about that in the doctor’s office rather
than this one, which is for a totally personal, invasive, and SUPER PAINFUL
procedure? YIKES. DOUBLE YIKES! Is this even my business? I feel like this brochure was erroneously put
there by someone who also stocks the urologist’s office, like this is not even
something I should know about. I don't know that it is ever appropriate for someone else to ask you to inject your own penis, know what I mean?
Also, why is the white-haired guy on the cover of this
brochure depicted in such a chipper way when he is holding a needle that he
will soon be injecting into his penis?
I just don’t think I buy this narrative.
Like, were they having a conversation about penis malfunction, and the
doctor mentioned penis injection, and the guy was just kind of, FINE WITH
IT? I’m sorry, that is the look on his
face, like “Sure, hand me that needle, and I will stick it willingly into my
junk!”
Stephan calls this brochure “strangely executed and
conceptually horrifying,” and claims that every man who reads this post will
instinctively cover their male areas when they read the words “penile
self-injection.”
If those words don’t make you cover up, maybe this next photo
will do it. Sweet mother of crap OH MY GOD THAT NEEDLE LOOKS
REALLY SHARP RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Why is
the text that goes with this graphic so nonchalant? I think “Insert the needle all the way into
the spongy tissue of your penis” should at least be italicized and or in ALL
CAPS, DON’T YOU THINK? That shit looks
PAINFUL.
Under complications, I notice that they do not include
“STICKING A NEEDLE IN YOUR PENIS.’
I’m sorry, the whole thing just seems uncivilized to me, and
too much to ask. Not cool! Sticking a needle in your junk should be
YOUR CHOICE, and no one should pressure you into that kind of thing.
Just say no, men! No
one wants you to do this to yourselves! Keep that needle away from your spongy tissue!
Finally, here is the picture on the back of the brochure,
presumably meaning to indicate that this gentleman has injected himself in the
penis (OUCH), they have done the deed, and now he is laughing
hysterically. Again, I am not believing
the realness of this scenario.
And with that, I will apologize for traumatizing you on this beautiful Wednesday. Oh, should I have said that this whole post was NOT SAFE FOR WORK or really, anywhere else? Now you're with me on being traumatized.
