Happy St. Patrick’s Day, and Also, Don’t Eat Expired Mayo
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, I guess? I’m Irish and all, but I kind of feel like
this is a fake holiday that’s just all about drinking, which, when you think
about it, is a little bit racist to me and my fellow pale Irish folks. All
you saying that all Irish people are drunken leprechauns? That offends me..
Just kidding. My
family is filled with drunken Irishmen (no leprechauns). They’re all dead from the drink, but don’t
let that keep you from celebrating.
There are two surviving gingers in my family that didn’t get the drunken
Irish gene (myself and my father), and neither of us really like getting drunk all that much. I will probably eat some soda bread if they
have it at Trader Joe’s this week, though.
Apropos of nothing and completely unrelated to St. Patrick's Day, I
saw this in a store today, and of
course, the very first thing I did was check the expiration date, because….is
there another reason for discount mayonnaise?
Sure enough, the expiration date on this sucker is March 26th,
which is NINE DAYS FROM NOW.
You guys. I SCREAMED
OUT LOUD. I’m not even kidding. I clapped my hand over my mouth as soon as I
heard the scream coming out, but it was too late. That mayonnaise scared me!
Begging the question, I suppose—would it be worse for you to
eat expired mayonnaise, or to eat this entire 16oz tube-like container of
mayonnaise in nine days, thus insuring that you have a heart attack on the 26th
rather than food poisoning? Either way,
you might be dead soon if you buy it, so good luck with yourself. This is the kind of thing that makes me
scream out loud, quite involuntarily, when I see it, kind of like egg salad
sandwiches at the gas station. I almost
scream because I’m like “WHAT IF SOMEONE EATS THAT?” and I know it’s weird of
me and people probably eat this stuff and they are fine, but everyone has a
phobia, don’t they? Just for the
record, I’m not scared of public speaking, dogs, spiders, clowns, thunder, or any
of the other “top phobias.”
For fun, I did a search on “top phobias,” and I came upon
this list. I don’t love going to the
dentist or flying on airplanes, I’ll admit it, and snakes are disturbing, I
will agree with that. But, why are dogs on this list, but “expired food” is not? That makes no sense. Most dogs are really nice, whereas ALL expired food is bad for you. Fear
of expired food doesn’t even rank? That
is very surprising to me.
Happy Dead Drunk Irish Relatives Day, everyone!!
You’re certainly not alone in freaking out about “expiration dates” on condiments like mayo, but in fact, that’s more a “sell-by” date that’s in place by manufacturers to force stores to rotate their stock. The product could still be good for months beyond that date. Just sayin 😉