Something about this ALIVE! vitamin commercial has been bothering me every time I see it, and I think I’ve finally figured out what it is.
Let’s watch:
I think the problem here is that one woman is breaking the unspoken code of the grocery store, which is DON’T LOOK AT MY STUFF, and further, DON’T TALK ABOUT MY STUFF. I am assuming that everyone else feels this same way, that they don’t want their personal stuff on the grocery belt being ogled by strangers. It’s wrong. Grocery store wrong, I tell you.
Then they take it one step further by starting to discuss their lives and I just think it's funny because luckily they're buying vitamins instead of Metamucil and squid juice. I don’t know about you, but I have probably never been to a grocery store where myself, the person in line in back of me, and the cashier all have similar interests and would buy the same product. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I’m always in line in front of a guy buying eight bottles of vodka, some sardines in tomato sauce, and coconut Oreos. This is the reason for the “Unspoken Grocery Store Code.” I don’t want to know what that guy is doing with all that stuff, and I don’t want him talking to me about my sparkling water and Dove dark chocolate. I also don’t want the opinion of the grocery store cashier, who is balding and smells like cheese.
This also makes me think, I could never be a grocery store cashier, because I would make up a story in my head about every single person that checked out, to the point where I would distract myself and not be very good at the job. All day long I would be like “weirdo, alcoholic, hooker, hoarder, coupon weirdo,” and this would make me slow and inefficient.
ALIVE!, and by the way, what is with that aggressive exclamation point, I know it’s made of fruits and vegetables, but every time I see the exclamation point I think of zombies, like is this a zombie vitamin? IT’S ALIVE!
ALIVE! also has that weird commercial where the woman’s body is made of live things like a garden and trees and stuff, and every time they get to where her colon is supposed to be, I think it’s gears and pulleys and stuff, and I think “is that supposed to represent poo? Will there be poo in this commercial?”
The whole thing is just weird because yes, I get it, I’m alive, and the vitamin is alive, blah blah blah, but it’s just silly and a little weird that they are implying my feet are made of weeds.
In case you’re curious, ALIVE! also makes a gummy vitamin for adults, which just….oh my God. You are 40 years old. Learn to swallow a vitamin like a big boy.
All of this is to say, whenever I see this vitamin or its commercials, I don’t think “That vitamin sounds awesome and I would like to try it,” all I think of is the advertising agency, and that is never good, because in case it’s not clear, I actually take a lot of vitamins, so I am this company’s exact target demographic.
