BY LORI CULWELL
So, I’m reading the ongoing coverage of the Tom Cruise/ Katie Holmes divorce with great interest, as I’m sure is the rest of the media-consuming world. Because I like to put up an image with my posts, I am putting up this image of my book, Hollywood Car Wash, NOT BECAUSE IT BEARS A STRIKING SIMILARITY TO WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW and because there was once a rumor that it actually was about her life, but because I am afraid to put a picture of Tom Cruise up because I don’t want Scientology coming to my house. So, there’s that.
As a feminist (or at least a “woman power!” kind of woman), I have to say, I am very glad that Katie Holmes seems to have come into herself as a powerful woman and mom, as indicated by her “blindsiding” the great and powerful (and, let’s admit it, kind of scary) Tom Cruise with divorce papers. I read an interesting article by a divorce and tax attorney over the weekend about how her filing in New York (instead of California, which we’re assuming is their primary state of residence) seems to have been a calculated move, and how her asking for full custody seems to be a statement as well. You go, Katie!
I’m actually glad to see this because, if I’m being honest, one of the things that bothered me the most about this all-too-public relationship was the fact that Katie Holmes (the person) seemed to have been completely subsumed by the ethos of Tom Cruise. Every interview, every time he referred to her, he insisted on calling her “Kate,” as if this was the name he had given the “perfect wife, perfect life” scenario he’d constructed in which she was starring. She never called HERSELF “Kate” and didn’t start going by “Kate Holmes” or “Kate Cruise” professionally, so one really always had to wonder—what is going on there? When is he going to stop that? Maybe that’s actually what happened– he called her “Kate” one too many times, and she was like “MY NAME IS KATIE. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!”
Here are some other things we’re all wondering. I don’t have the answers for you even though Katie Holmes is my best friend and everyone knows this. I am just speculating.
- Scientology. We’re all assuming that Katie Holmes dropped this divorce bombshell because she’d had it up to here with Thetans and auditing and eReaders (that last one isn’t right, but everything I know about Scientology came from that episode of South Park, so excuse me if that sentence offended you). Let me just go ahead and say it—what’s different now than when they first got married? Wasn’t David Miscavige the officiant at their wedding? Let’s just assume that she’s found out more things that didn’t sit right with her, and that she wants her child out of that religion before she gets completely consumed, that’s fine. I guess we’re all just wondering—why marry and have the baby of a high-ranking Scientologist and then divorce him for being a Scientologist? Don’t get me wrong—I still think it’s a creepy religion, but what’s so different now? Also, apparently Scientology is now watching Katie Holmes. NOW?? How about always? How is that news?
- Just so you know, I was rooting for Tom and Katie to go the whole 9 years, 364 days. In case you’re wondering, that is how long Tom and Nicole were married, which (I am to believe) happens to be the longest a couple can be married under California community property law before the wife moves up a level and can claim assets from BEFORE AND AFTER the marriage. I am not a lawyer, but I will kindly refer you over to the filthy-rich first wives of Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, and Michael Douglas, all of whom passed the ten-year mark and ended up with SUPER HUGE DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS.
- We’re never going to find out what happened there, so let’s just come to peace with it. Tom Cruise, his empire, his people—they have shrouded that girl in so many layers of prenuptial agreements and NDAs, she’ll be lucky if she can give an interview in the next ten years without having PTSD. As reference, please let us refer to Nicole Kidman (the second Mrs. Tom Cruise), who was also subsumed into the Death Star, emerged fully formed as a woman, and has still never answered a single question about what that 9 years, 364 days was like.
- Tom Cruise’s wives get divorced from him when they are 33. ALL THREE OF THEM. Someone in the media noticed this, and I just think it’s interesting. 33 is also referred to as the “Jesus year,” because that is how old Jesus was when he died, did you know that? Oh look, I just offended the entire rest of my readership. I have no conclusion for this paragraph, I just wanted to point out this strange factoid. I kind of want to make a joke about how after 33, the woman is no longer eligible to play the “ingénue” role in the “Tom Cruise show,” but since it was Katie Holmes who seems to have pulled the plug on their relationship, that doesn’t really apply. Is 33 a significant number in the Scientology religion? Again, I don’t know anything about this, but it is very weird, and I don’t think there is any such thing as a “coincidence” where Tom Cruise and Scientology are concerned.
- Please let us remember that Katie Holmes’ dad is not a Hollywood type, but is (no joke) a high-powered divorce attorney in her hometown of Toledo, Ohio. This makes me happy for Katie Holmes and her family, because this is going to be his best. Divorce. EVER.
- Can I just mention that I love how People Magazine runs this article (http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20608569,00.html) about Katie Holmes is finding a new apartment, and in the article, they include what has to be the WORLD’S CREEPIEST PHOTO of Tom Cruise in one of those “Black Ops” helicopters? Wow.
That’s all for now, I think. As you can tell, I am fascinated by this.
