First, this photo, sent to me by Cindy. Thanks Cindy!
This is so funny to me for a few reasons. # 1, the only thing that could possible be wrong in this scenario is that you've cut yourself, but not so severely that you'd need anything more than a Band-Aid (or, a bandage, I guess, since this is obviously not a Band-Aid brand product). # 2 I feel like the phrase "Help, I've cut myself" is something you say to a 911 operator after a carving knife mishap, not when you need a bandage, so the messaging is all wrong. # 3 There are so many potential answers to the question "What's wrong?" where do I even start? What's wrong? Well…sometimes I'm a neurotic mess and I have to go back and check the flatiron three times to make sure I didn't leave it on because I'm pretty sure the house is going to burn down and kill the dog, for starters. Sometimes I worry about things, and a part of my mind is like "Stop worrying about that, that is not for worrying about, there is nothing you can do about that," and the worrying part is on auto-pilot and it keeps going anyway, so that is bothersome, or at least more bothersome than a cut, which is at least something tangible that I could do something about. Also what's wrong is that last night, for some reason, I mistakenly set a wine glass on the bedside table and then knocked it over while I was sleeping, so this morning there was a red wine stain on the white comforter, so I spent ALOT of time trying to get that out instead of writing (yay for bleach!), and miraculously I did not cut my foot even though I stepped on glass at least three times and the bedroom smelled like wino this morning. What's wrong is that today, representation for the "Pink Gorilla" that I was making fun of yesterday totally called me out on Twitter, telling me that NOT ONLY did that Pink Gorilla not slow down/ hang his head during the marathon, but that he raised over $22,000 for charities, and that Pink Gorilla finished only 14 minutes behind Stephan Cox, and that I should really get my facts straight before I mock (it's so true. I should). What's wrong is that Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be filled with back to back meetings and phonecalls and I still have to do rewrites on one book, finalize another, and put together a promotion plan for, oh, FIVE OR SO BOOKS, and that since I'm totally doing NaBloPoMo now, I'm going to end up doing that every night at 10pm, just like I'm doing now.
What I'm saying is, I think "What's Wrong?" is maybe a little bit of a can of worms, and I am going to need more than a white bandage for all I have going on right now. But really, nothing's wrong. Everything is generally all right (except maybe for the worrying part, and how I totally owe the Pink Gorilla an apology). I just thought the sign was funny. I'm pretty sure this is part of a product series, and now I'm curious at to what else they offer.
Also, yesterday I told my father this story about how when I lived in New York City the first time, there was a guy in the news who lived up in Harlem, and he went to the ER one day with a big bite on his arm, and the ER people were like "That is not a dog bite," and it turned out that he had a tiger and an alligator living in his apartment, and he would feed them hams every day, but sometimes he didn't get his arm out fast enough after throwing in the ham, and the alligator or tiger would bite him, and then they took away all of his wild animals, because, um, those don't belong in an apartment.
My father's response, and I believe this says alot about my weird sense of humor:
"Wow, that is alot of hams. Where'd he get the money for all those hams?"
