Hello again!
I would like to explain my latest Funny Strange absence by simply throwing myself on my sword and saying “My friend had a baby on Monday, and I just got back from New Jersey, where I was helping out with her 2 year old.” This was the first time I was ever in charge of a small person all on my own, believe it or not—I’m an only child and I always preferred business-type jobs to babysitting when I was growing up, so I have little to no experience with small children, and in fact, I find them kind of scary. In fact, when I shut the door on the first night, I did have one terrified moment of “Oh my God—I’m the adult in this scenario.”
I know you’ll be relieved to hear that everyone is still alive, which, I kid you not, is what I thought every morning. “Oh my God—we’re STILL ALIVE! SCORE! HE ATE BREAKFAST! SCORE!"
So, very happy for my friend, who had a super-easy delivery (despite being 12 days overdue, which did not look at all comfortable) and now has a very cute baby daughter named Charlotte. I also gained the following insights over my time spent with her delightful two year old son Alex (I’m not being sarcastic, he really is great). He loves Curious George, so we did put in some quality time reading George’s books and watching his videos, which brought up some questions for me. I hope some of the parents in the audience can answer them.
- Why does Curious George have no identification of any kind? He’s got no collar, doesn’t wear pants so he can’t really have a wallet, and he doesn’t seem like he can talk or use sign language like that Planet of the Apes chimp, so I guess I’m questioning the responsibility of the Man With the Yellow Hat. Does he not care that George is out in the world having these adventures? This is concerning to me. Maybe there should be a “Curious George Gets Safety Fingerprinted” episode, or maybe one where "Curious George Gets a State ID card." Can someone make this happen? Can we maybe get George one of those kid-friendly cellphones so he can call the Man With the Yellow Hat when he needs a ride? Also, yes, I know– the Man With the Yellow Hat is his best friend, not his owner (which is so very San Francisco), but still– he has a Yellow Hat, he seems to know about the world, and he should get a microchip for George.
- In the “Curious George Takes a Job” episode, I’m sorry, but that is just a monkey in a kitchen, which is not sanitary no matter which way you slice it, since we all know what monkeys do when they get mad, ok? Although, come to think of it, there is already a cat named Gnocchi walking over the salad in that restaurant, which right there makes me want to call the Health Department on that whole story. Also, I’m guessing that Curious George lacks a social security number, so he’s definitely not paying taxes, if that kind of thing bothers you.
- When Curious George lets all the animals out of the zoo and then has to use a compass and a map to put them back in, does it not occur to anyone to PUT HIM IN THE ZOO with them? Perhaps a special exhibit for chimps who know who to use a compass and have held previous employment in Italian restaurants? Also, why is he allowed to roam around and get a job while the other animals must adhere to the reality-based “zoo” convention? I won’t stand for this kind of genre-crossing in my children’s fiction. George can have a name and get a job, and the cat can walk over the salad, but the zebra still has to live in a zoo? Unfair. Maybe that zebra is really good at making donuts, man!
- Don’t even get me started on how un-ironically funny “Curious George Builds a Dam” is. They keep saying “Curious George has wood—careful not to get the wood wet!” AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT THIS? Come on. This is too much to ask. Am I also not supposed to point out that it really seems like whoever made Yo Gabba Gabba was SUPER DUPER HIGH when they came up with this concept? I know that children’s entertainment is made with the purpose of giving adults a break, but really? No one notices these things? Why is no one talking about this?
- Back to Curious George. Why doesn’t he teach anything on his chimp adventures? Couldn’t they put in some didactic stuff, like making him talk so he could count, or do his A B C’s, or like, help the guy clean up the donut shop? I don’t really understand the point of the narrative if he just goes right back to being a wandering chimp with no pants, back into his shenanigans. Oh, and by the way, don’t even get me started on how this is setting a bad precedent for Chimp Safety, so people think it’s ok to get a pet chimp and raise it as their baby, and then it rips their face off because CHIMPS ARE STRONG, dude. How about an episode where Curious George goes all ape-shit and totally mauls the Man With the Yellow Hat? That would be instructive, right?
Back to my original point, I BABYSAT AND EVERYONE IS STILL ALIVE.
