In Honor of Carmageddon: Worst Los Angeles Freeway Exits (Redux)

In honor of Carmageddon, which is making me sooooo happy I escaped Los Angeles, I have busted out this post about OTHER awful places to drive in Los Angeles, which might also be useful to you because you'll learn about other routes you can go ahead and avoid.  

Just a heads up, this post will probably only be amusing to you if you've ever lived in or spent alot of time in Los Angeles, where bad traffic and the route you took to get somewhere are the frequent topics of conversation (or now, national news!).  Or maybe you'll think it's funny anyway. Who am I to tell you when to laugh?  Sometimes in L.A. you get to where you were going really fast and you're totally surprised.  Sometimes you end up across town at 3:00 and realize you have to be back again at 6:00, and even though technically your house is only six miles away, it's six miles WEST ACROSS FREEWAYS, so you end up reading a book in your car. I started this list because I was once on the way home to Santa Monica and drove right into a Sigalert on the 10, which caused me to abruptly get off at National, where I of course got lost because that freeway exit is like the Bermuda Triangle of confusing.  When I finally got home the next day (just kidding, but it did take a long time), I started this list.  

1. National, off the 10.  Leads to "which way should I turn," which quickly devolves into "motor street? What the…. Where is pico?  Now I don't even know where i live….Great– now I am lost…in Palms."

2.  Santa Monica, off the 405.  Seriously, you better know exactly which way you're going before you commit, because if you're in the left lane and suddenly realize you wanted Beverly hills, there's four lanes in between you and a right turn, and NO ONE IS GOING TO LET YOU SQUEEZE BY.

3.  Oh, did you take the Sepulveda exit going north off the 105 by mistake? Settle in.  You're going to the airport, and you can't make a legal u turn again until after in n out burger, which you're totally going to need after you miss your dinner plans.  Sorry.

4.  Washington, off the 405.  Again, you better know exactly which way you're going before you commit, because this exit is right under the freeway with no take-backs, and you're not going to know you're going the wrong way until you see Denny's.  By then, though, there's nowhere to turn around.

5.  The 101, anywhere from Sherman Oaks to say, Tarzana.  This freeway runs east/ west but the signs say north/ south so good luck with yourself.

6.  4th street downtown which also has another name that I can't remember and also happens to be a one way street wait– how am I now  on 9th street I guess I have to turn around but oh my god did you see the traffic on the 110/ 10/ 60 merger forget it I'm never driving in downtown la again.  I just wanted to go to Pasadena, and now there's a crackhead peeing on my car.

7.  The 405 / 101 interchange.  "It's three in the morning, why is it total gridlock, no one knows how to freaking merge."

8.  The buena vista street exit, off the 134, or "I got off on buena  vista, disney is on buena vista…. Wait, why is this street now   called bob hope? Why am I at NBC? Why is nothing what it seems?"

9.  Anywhere in glendale, south pas, or eagle rock on the 110, the actual oldest freeway in the world or "good lord, these freeway onramps were built when cars only went 35, I don't have a rocket ship,  how will I get on this without being killed?".

10.  Did you take Wilshire east off the 405 when you meant west?    Ooohh, tough break you are now a UCLA bruin, and  lest you consider  turning around, please remember that all of the intersections are  photo-enforced, so unless you would like a complimentary photograph of  yourself with your "angry face" on in the mail, just turn left into  UCLA and then backtrack on veteran.  Also, if you make this mistake,  for the love of god do not make that left onto Sepulveda thinking you can make a u turn, because once you go Sepulveda, you are at least  going to Encino.  Wave at us from the Gelson's by the Jackson estate.  Maybe you’ll see Prince and Blanket!

11.  Oh, are you in from out of town doing a potential college visit at USC?  Don't make the wrong turn off Adams at the 110, or surprise!  You have just joined the Crips!  Hope you like blue.

12.  You are on the 5 south going through downtown.  Now I am on the 10 and the 5, now I am on the 10, the 5, and the 60 at the same time.  Did I just jump into an alternate dimension?  I so should have taken that extra calculus course in college, carry the one….Wait– Bernal Heights?  Wasn't that where Lean on Me was filmed? 

13.  101 freeway from 10 going west from out of town— ooonnnee  tinny skinny lane over there on the left, get all the way over right  now or you're going to miss it— was that it right there I can't  tell, and WHOA you are now in downtown, please see #6.

14.  You waited too long to leave and now there is hella bad traffic on the 405 this is going to take forever maybe you can cut over on the 605 going south and the double back– think fast!  You're in  Torrance.  Go get some froyo at the Del Amo mall for the next four  hours.  You are stranded.

15.  Are you trying to go east on the 10 or south on the 405 after 4 pm and you are not doing this for absolute necessity or because  someone's head is on fire?   What is the matter with you?  This is not the time to pick up your dry cleaning.  Go home.  You are part of the problem.

16.  Applies to all freeways:   You are driving on a freeway in Los Angeles and there is an accident or road construction on the other side. Keep going, jack.  Your looky-looing is holding us all up, and  if you take your eyes off the road one more time…..oh, now you've  done it.  Accidents on both sides.  Now they're going to declare a  Sigalert, and the traffic helicopter from channel 4 is going to fly  
over us to give an an example of a place you're glad you're not right  
now, only we are, because you're stupid.

Please, add to the list in the comments!  I will admit I try not to leave the west side, so I don't know the Valley that well.   There are assuredly some good ones I'm missing over there.