Hey, happy valentine's day! Here is a picture of a heart-shaped Valentine's Day brownie that we got to celebrate the occasion, which will absolutely have been demolished by the time you see this post. In order to celebrate the holiday of romance, I would like to tell you a strange tale of love in New York City.
Friday night we went to get pizza in the east village (dollar slices! Holla!). On the way up Third Avenue, we happened to be walking behind this couple, and… How to say this politely?
Oh, there is no polite way to say it. They were in their early forties, and they kept stopping to engage in some PDA that was absolutely….just obscene, for old people anyway. Like, face-sucking, Frenching, the rest of the world can see your tongues and please get a room kind of making out, and they did it so many times, we could then not stop laughing and making up scenarios that could have prompted this odd behavior.
Even if they were teenagers we still would have laughed at them, but these were well-dressed forty year old people, dude. They needed to get a room, and there was absolutely no reason why they shouldn't have just gone ahead and gotten one. They seemed to have the means, and yet, every few step, they had to stop and go back in for some Dan Fogelberg style face sucking. I am positive that if you met either of these people at a party, they would say "Let me introduce you to MY LOVER.".
They kind of reminded me of this Saturday Night Live sketch, actually, so I dug it up. Also, I totally love watching Jimmy Fallon trying to stay in character in the face of Will Ferrell's total commitment.
What could prompt people to act this way? Since it was 9pm, the likelihood of them being drunk and on some kind of post-bar closing hookup was unlikely. Did he just find out that he was not dying of cancer or something? If so, fantastic for him and we are all very happy, but still– you can't walk around the corner to a hotel, where you can make all the sweet celebratory monkey love that you want? You have to suck face right there in front of the bodega?
Just….yuck. It's not that they were unattractive, and I could care less what people do with themselves (i.e. If they were having some kind of illicit affair)– honestly, I just wanted them to get off the sidewalk, and the planter, and the… Oh, you get the picture. They looked like they were performing some kind of alien face-merging ritual, and like they would eventually be a one-faced being. Am I being clear enough?
They. Were Going. At. It. I will entertain any and all scenarios that you think might have contributed to this strange behavior. I believe they were too old to have taken Ecstasy.
Happy Valentine's Day! Let's keep it indoors, shall we?
