First of all, the Beverly Hills Real Housewives was the only one I've ever watched, so I can't really do an appropriate comparison of this one to the other franchises– I can only critique the narrative value and character development in this one. This is in case later someone asks me who NeNe is, because I do not know, ok? Who am I, Michiko Kakutani of Real Housewives criticism?
The real reason I started watching this show was to see what Camille Grammer was like, actually. I don’t know why, but I remember her from about ten years ago, this article about her in People Magazine and how she was bravely fighting a battle against Irritable Bowel Syndrome and how this was why she had to use a surrogate, and how even then I was like “That….is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, in the history of my life,” not only because why would you want to be forever associated with a condition as terribly named as Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but also that her publicity people would think we were dumb enough to buy IBS as a reason for her not being able to carry her own children. Really—no “reproductive issues? Endometriosis, maybe? Even a “mysterious autoimmune disorder” that didn’t really exist would have been better than IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME, because that is still what I think of every single time I see her smug face. In case you are saying to yourself “that is a crazy story,” here is a copy of the original press release from January of 2000, when Camille was busy trying to convince everyone that she needed a surrogate and was trying to be an advocate for the IBS cause.
Anyhow, I really like how after all that, Camille’s IBS was not mentioned ONE TIME during the entire season of RHOBH. If she was really that into being an advocate for the condition, couldn’t she have used some of her time on Housewives to further knowledge about the cause? Ummmm….yeah. That's what I thought.
I have to stop talking about Camille now, because I actually really think she was the victim of Kelsey Grammer and the producers of that show trying to make her into the arch-villian in order to further the narrative and take the heat off of him running off with a 29 year old British flight attendant. Yuck all around, dude. The part where she goes to New York and has to SHOW HER ID because the doorman doesn’t believe she’s really Mrs. Grammer? Brutal. Even I felt bad for her. Even my mother in law felt bad for her, and we have had many conversations about how jaded and delusional Camille is and how much we dislike her. Oh, and totally weird toast that Kelsey Grammer made before the Tony Awards, where he mentions the “hospitality of the British people?” Creepy! Does he want to get caught? Well, obviously he does, because now he’s marrying the British hospitality.
Seriously, enough about Camille (although, Alison DuBois—just, oh MY GOD what a weird person). I think the real elephant in the room here is Kim’s alcoholism. So THAT’S what she was hiding! When you look at her life it totally makes sense— she is pretty much a Los Angeles version of Intervention. By the way, in case you’ve never been to Los Angeles, Kim lives in rented house in WESTLAKE VILLAGE, which is really, really not in Beverly Hills, and she seems to be the only one who is never invited to Lisa's fancy restaurant for lunch. She’s had three or four husbands, one of whom was murdered (look it up!), she has four kids by a couple of different guys, and she keeps starting sentences with the phrase “When I was a child star….”
I can’t believe my Spidey sense wasn’t tripped for the fact that Kim is a total “sponge off your family and create weird drama” alkie former child star, man! I can usually spot that kind of thing a mile away. Part of this can be attributed to the editing, I think, because if you really think about it, Kim wasn’t even in the show that much, but when she was there– think about it! She was kind of an outcast, she has apparently no source of income and no sugar daddy, and she is oddly alienated from her family?
What causes all of this?
Substance abuse, of course! I seriously can’t believe I missed this glaring omission in the narrative.
Holy Intervention, Batman! Kim’s a boozehound! Maybe pills, though—she does seem like one of those sad “I lost my childhood and now I can’t cope with reality types.” Given this new piece of information I simply cannot wait for the reunion show, I tell you.
Some other RHOBH tidbits I’ve been saving up:
–Taylor: mysterious lips, absolutely the phoniest personality of any person on that show, including Camille, who at least has the decency to be bitchy. Seems to really, really hate her husband Russell. When will they get a divorce? When will she do something to fix those lips? When are we going to talk about her eating disorder? Why, when she’s obviously so mean, do I still like Kim less than her? The first part of the Bravo reunion didn’t help. She’s a snake! That exact personality type is the kind of thing that can make you want to never go back to Los Angeles. Or maybe it’s just me. Taylor really does seem like the kind of person who, if she happened to run over you with her car by accident, would leave the scene of the crime if there were no witnesses. Just my opinion, of course. I also get this vibe from Faith Hill.
–Lisa : actually seems funny and cool. Don’t get the whole “Cedric” thing, and now apparently, neither do they. Wish they would go more into how she built up her business, as she actually seems smart and savvy, but I think the producers and the camerapeople probably just like going to her house and sitting by the pool. She seems by far to be the most normal of the group, although I do think it’s about time to put those boobs away.
–Adrienne: again, wish they would focus on her business acumen, her being a part of the famous Maloof family with all their business interests. I’m positive she does more interesting stuff than just constantly bicker with her husband, which frankly she just seems too smart to do. OK Adrienne, we get it—you think your husband is stupid. I don’t get why she doesn’t just divorce him, get some nannies, and just be the workaholic you know she wants to be. Also, I don’t understand why a woman that smart and with that much business sense would want to make herself look like Catwoman. Was she a bad looking woman before? Does anyone know this?
Kyle: I know, people want to hone in on her because of that manufactured conflict with Camille, but honestly I just don’t find her to be that interesting (unless she’s going to tell us some more about her family’s struggle with Kim’s alcoholism, that is). OK, she looks a little like Demi Moore, she has four kids, she’s Paris Hilton’s aunt, whatever. I just don’t feel like she’s made anything of herself, and I don’t care about her. Her segments are when I leave the room to get the laundry out of the dryer, if this gives you any indication of my commitment level to her storyline.
So—bottom line, I’m still not sure why I was so intrigued by this version of Housewives, but I’m now dying for Part 2 of the reunion show for some reason. It’s not like I’m going to go and start watching the New Jersey or Atlanta ones, and I still don’t agree with the concept that people should be famous just for the sake of being famous when they clearly have no talent and no redeeming values (like Teen Mom, which I also have a thing against). I know, reality TV is a huge market and people love the fighting on this show, and yet I still found the show to be lacking in narrative. Is part of the story still missing? Are they open to suggestions? The only real conflict I could see going on in the entire season were Camille’s marriage falling apart and the (only vaguely alluded to) problem with Kim’s alcoholism. These are the things I would like to hear more about next season, along with coverage of if/ when one of them starts having financial problems from all that shopping and Botox. Oh, and when Taylor gets a divorce and has to go back to Oklahoma. That one I'd also like to see.
