I have amassed quite a large number of photos in my phone and notes in my notebook of things that are baffling, which leads us to another edition of "Why Is This a Thing?"
First up: Hair Wars. How long has this been going on? Why is it useful to have your hair shaped like a trophy? Literally, how do you get your hair OUT of this type of formation? The promo for this "Hair Wars" show on tv had a woman saying she'd won "every hair war she's ever entered." Like, for the past….how long? Seriously, how long has this been a thing? I want to know.
Next: weird products, because you know how much I love these. Um….Herpecin? What is this for? Even if this is for cold sores, which I'm assuming it is, you're losing that part of the demographic (however small) that a) doesn't know that cold sores and herpes are the same thing, or b) doesn't want to buy a product with the word "herpe" in it, and really, can we blame them? Let's call this the "Anusol Conundrum," in that even if you have the problem that the product treats, you're going to pay more for the something else, just to avoid the word "anus," because deep down we are all fourteen.
Next item in my phone: TWO FEET OF PIZZA. Good Lord, Pizza Hut– just, stop it. That is like, 15,000 calories right there. Oh, you're having a slumber party? How about you do what we did in the old days and ORDER TWO PIZZAS? I know, it's so old school, but this thing is just so big it is obscene. Hello– Pizza Hut? It's America's obesity epidemic calling, putting in a request for a lowfat option, or maybe a whole wheat crust. This right here is up there that the KFC Double Down, and you know what kind of talking to I had to give them. Settle down.
I had two screen shots of this, but I picked this one because doesn't it totally look like a Saturday Night Live parody commercial? Actually, it reminds me of this hilarious SNL "Taco Town" commercial parody, which I think you should actually watch right now, because that is about what I'm going for with this post.
Good times. One of my favorites, really. But wait! I'm not done.
Dunkin Donuts' twisty new bagel stick– Hey, Dunkin' Donuts, you know what you make? Friggin donuts and friggin really good coffee. Cut it out with the these products that, in an attempt to push the envelope, end up looking like you twisted up some donut dough and stuck some garbage on it.
OK, I'm almost done– we were walking down Lexington Avenue the other day and saw this truck parked right there on the street. Not only is this a weird product (because honestly, hummus seems like something that you buy in a little tub and use up in a week or so, not something that has the shelf life of ketchup or mustard. Plus, you know there is going to be a certain percentage of the population that does not get that you have to refrigerate hummus, and that's just gross), but also– it's weird to have a whole van promoting the squeezable hummus. Do they have some in there that I can try? Is it refrigerated? Now I'm even more confused.
Wow! That was refreshing. Did I mention I'm taking a productivity seminar? It is very interesting and hopefully will allow me to write even more wacky blog posts. Also– I have to tell you something very, VERY interesting about my white blood cells (all good, don't worry), so come on back tomorrow!