Hey, it's been awhile since I entertained you with my irrational food phobias, so here are a few things that have occurred to me recently that I thought you might enjoy.
If you're just joining us, I am afraid of food, to an extent that some people find comical. Here is a whole article I wrote about that, in case you need some background.
I haven't been paying it that much attention of late, which you'd think would mean I'm cured. Let's just say I'm much better now than I was when I was young. (this just in– I tried an artichoke heart! It was good!)
Don't be too proud of me, though, because I can't stop thinking about that meat suit that lady gaga wore to the vmas. Raw meat, people. Raw, warm, bacteria growing with every progressive moment… Meat.
Ok, great Lady Gaga– you're not a piece of meat. We get the clever innuendo. But–oh my God, the bacteria, and the hand washing, not only by her, but also by anyone who touches her, or brushes up against her, or…just….anything to do with the warm, mealy meat. And, how is she sitting in that, and how is she touching it and then not touching her eyes or her mouth? And, who is taking it off of her at the end of the night? I don't mean that in a sexy way– I am taking about her actual handlers and whether or not they had to wear hazmat suits.
And, why is there meat on her head? Does she not realize how close this is to her mouth, and that it could slide off and touch one of her mucous membranes, after which she would have to leave the vmas and go to the hospital for botulism, or malaria, or whatever else is growing in that warm meat on her head? There is meat. On HER HEAD. How can anyone be focusing on anything else than the meat that is spoiling at the exact moment that this photo is being taken, and how the photographer could be breathing that bacteria?
I wonder how many showers she had to take after the vmas, man. And, where did they put the meat after they took it off of her? In a trashbag? Did some fanboy take the meat, and now it's some fetid, stinking mass in a trashbag somewhere?
<gag>
Could she not have made a dress out of fake meat? What about cooked meat? Also, the meat shoes-/ this moves into a whole new realm of disgusting–raw meat on the dirty floor, raw meat touching the floor, they cannot possibly bleach/ sanitize enough to get rid of all the raw meat bacteria she's tracking around on the floor, bleach bleach bleach hand sanitizer bleach.
What happens if she's siting in a chair in her meat suit, then someone else sits in that chair, then they eat something– will they get sick?
I'm telling you, if you read this blog long enough, these issues will worm their way into your mind, and you too will FEAR THE MEAT SUIT.
Think about it. It's SO disgusting.
