Baxter is officially an Old Man Dog now, having passed his ninth birthday over the summer (maybe he was born during summer– he came from the pound, ok?). His nose is turning white and his arthritis is getting worse, which prompts us to hug him all the time and tell him to live forever.
He's always had kind of a weird personality (so surprising, I know), but this personality seems to get more pronounced every year. This photo is a good example of this strangeness– Old Man Dog is watching you like the kids in The Shining, you dig?
Here are some things I have noticed about Old Man Dog lately.
–Old Man Dog will pretend he doesn't hear you, and just keep doing what he's doing until you go get him. Is he deaf? No, he's always been like this. Now he just doesn't even care what you think.
–Old Man Dog is disappointed in you. Here's a representation of what happens when you let his water bowl run out. You will be able to hear this all the way in the other room, because Old Man Dog makes his needs known.
Slurp slurp slurp
Slurp slurp
Slurrrp
<sigh>
CLANG
You see, Old Man Dog likes his food and water bowls filled just so, and when they are allowed to run out, then they are broken, so he will bang them with his paw until they are fixed. He's not sure exactly how this happens, but it always does.
Old Man Dog still likes to go out in the afternoon and tear ass around the yard, so he will bring you a ball and would like you to stop what you are doing and throw it for him. This is true even though he is now done after 20 minutes and will lay down to indicate the cessation of the game.
However
Old Man Dog demands this 20 minutes of outdoor play time, and if he doesn't get it he has no problem laying on the floor of your office, sighing and groaning until you give up and do what he wants. OMD is really good at this. He usually gets his way, because his sighs are so plaintive, they fairly scream "you are doing a bad job as a dog owner!!!!!"
Here's what that sounds like:
Tick, tick, tick…
Me: "No, I'm busy. Come back later. I'm right in the middle of something."
<ball drops on floor, rolls quietly under the desk>
Dog stares at you, motionless, expressionless (see photo above. I promise you that I catch him doing this at least once a day).
Dog flops onto floor with great effort. Did he mention that he's old? Well, he is.
Dog: <sigh…..grooooannn>
Please don't say the sighing and groaning is because of his arthritis, because Old Man Dog takes special, expensive medication for that problem. Oh, and if you're going to give me a hard time for choosing strong NSAID medicine over glucosamine or fairy kisses or Chinese elephant bones, Old Man Dog has tried all of those, and those don't help him hoist himself into the car. The strong meds do, and if he doesn't get his pills, he won't even talk to you. Besides dude, he's nine years old and weighs 72 pounds. We all know big dogs have shorter life spans, ok? Even if the meds shorten his life even more, at least he has that quality of life (because he's high, baby. High!)
Seriously though, we tried all the other stuff. He needs the hard drugs.
Here's another one: Old Man Dog needs his rest, so turn down that tv and cut out the shenanigans, or he will give you the stinkeye.
Also, Old Man Dog wants you to get off his lawn. He hates deer, ESPECIALLY those super adorable little fawns. When he sees a deer family, he will blow an Old Man Dog gasket and chase those deer until…well until they run away but secretly laugh at him because –come on. He runs fast, but these are deer we're talking about. They give him a five second lead before they start running even, just for funny. You know they are sitting in their deer lodge somewhere in the woods, laughing about how mad that dog gets and drawing straws to see who gets to piss him off.
And finally…
Old Man Dog likes to go places. If you have to go somewhere without him, be sure to sneak out, because you don't want to see the disapproving look, the sigh, and the slow-motion walk back to his bed.
Dog: "Oh, ok… You're leaving without me. If you think that's best."
<sigh>
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
<flop>
<groan>
Old Man Dog is signing off now. He has to get his 20 hours of sleep, or he's a wreck.