I really like the show True Blood in the same way I liked Twin Peaks back in the day. However, because I cannot turn off my constant internal editor, I must know the following. By the way, don't even bother reading this unless you're all caught up on this season because 1) I suppose some of these questions have inherent spoilers in them , and 2) you would really need an encyclopedia if you didn't start watching from the beginning. Stephan, who has only seen a few episodes, came in while I was watching it last week, and I spent five minutes trying to explain who Sam was, and how he can turn into a dog, but how this is not the same kind of dog as Alcide, and….then I gave up.
So, here are my questions. Maybe I need to talk to someone in charge.
1. Let's start with Sam. Why can Sam shape-shift into a different kind of dog now? I thought he could only turn into that border-collie thing, and that he would thereby be killed in the dogfight, and yet suddenly he was a big old pitbull. Who knew ? Did his newfound white trash family teach him that?
2. If vampires are supposed to be immortal, why are they always being killed or hurt on this show? Like, burned by the sun, gashed by silver, stabbed by stakes, turned into red jello? Yikes– maybe these vampires should read Twilight and play by those rules.
3. Who the HELL looks like Jason stackhouse? Is his super power the fact that he's ridiculously ripped, and yet you never see him working out? Listen— have you been to the south? I'm just saying.
4. What, exactly, is Sookie supposed to be? Seriously. Does she not have a blood type because she mostly has vampire blood now? What is that "white light" thing she can do with her hands? I know, this is supposed to be the mystery of the show, but it's been going on for two seasons now, so I'm going to need a little more evidence. And if it wasn't the water that killed them, what did?
5. What do we think Crystal is going to turn into?
6. Is Bon Temps on some kind of Indian burial ground, or maybe nuclear landfill? I'm just saying, there are alot of very abnormal people in that town. Maybe someone should look into that. Is there a town council or something?
7. Speaking of Bon Temps, this season seems very "away game" to me. We haven't seen Sookie's house, or Bill's house, and Sookie has barely been at work. Are they maybe still rebuilding from the whole "MaryAnn hypnotized the whole town, turned their eyes black, and made them have sex and destroy everyhing" plot from last season? As a side note, I know that Gram had to go in order for us to see Sookie as a real adult, but I am still a little sad that they killed her off, and so brutally!
8. Why can't Lafayette catch a break? Every time something good happens to that poor fella, he's suddenly getting his car smashed or ends up in someone's basement, or his mama is crazy, or his cousin is overdosing, or he's getting gay-based. Come on! The man goes to work every day, he tries to be a good person– help him out!
9. Queen Sophie-Ann is how many years old, and she hasn't learned the power of compound interest? Dude, if someone turned me into a vampire, the very first thing I would do would be to go and buy some stock. Maybe she's under IRS investigation for being an idiot. Also, you know Marilyn Manson is so into Evan Rachel Wood playing this character– he probably makes her bring her costume fangs home from work so she can bite him.
10. If vampires aren't allowed to marry, then why do they have to pay taxes? This question also applies to gays (obviously).
Speaking of gays, go equality! For once I am proud of California!!