OK, so, I was waiting until I had the whole story of this before I said anything because I didn’t want everyone to freak out.
That is a totally great way to start a blog post if you don’t want people to freak out, right?
I’m sure you know (or if you don’t, here is some info), my mom died from a brain aneurysm secondary to another complicated brain condition, and the whole thing was awful and tragic and I’m sure that you probably don’t want me to go on about this, and I’m not trying to. It’s just that, in the seven years since she passed away, every time I go to a doctor now, they all feel compelled to say “Have you had an MRI?” I guess they’re just trying to be careful, to make sure I don’t have what my mom had (even though the chances are highly unlikely because her condition was congential, not hereditary), and I’m sure they think they’re just being thorough, but honestly, I never get headaches, and I just haven’t wanted to think about that or face the reality of that possibility for the past seven years, so I keep taking their MRI prescriptions and throwing them away.
Then last week, I was at the doctor for something totally non brain-related, and since it was a new doctor, she was all “OK, anything else?”
And, even knowing that she was looking at an informational sheet with my family history right on it, I was stupid enough to say “I’ve had a sinus headache for like a week.”
Which I did. I didn’t go to medical school or anything, but the sinus headache is the one where YOUR SINUSES HURT WHEN YOU BEND OVER, right? And the one where YOUR SINUSES HURT WHEN YOU BREATHE IN THROUGH YOUR NOSE? And when YOUR FACE HURTS?
Right. That kind of sinus headache. Only when you have a family history of brain-related illness and you say the word “headache,” and you don't have the very obvious symptoms of sinusitis like a runny nose, this induces some kind of insurance-related panic in the doctor, and before you know it you have instant approval from the insurance company for the MRI, and your doctor is looking like she’s trying not to call the fire department, and she will literally say the words “ticking time bomb in your brain” to scare you into getting the MRI, and the next day you are at the MRI place being scanned for the brain problems you were trying not to think about, and a neurologist’s card will be in your purse in case the results are (shall we say) less than favorable, and you will be trying not to think about how scary all this is.
By the way, further confirmation that I am weird—I had the “open” MRI and did not take any tranquilizers at all, and I am pretty sure I fell asleep during the procedure. I really, really liked the confined space and the very loud noise. Comforting.
Anyhoo, after the MRI you will put this out of your mind because it's your husband's birthday and besides, it’s probably going to take until Monday to get the results, so you try not to freak out when the doctor calls and leaves a message on SATURDAY MORNING, and then takes a long time to come to the phone when you call her back, and your mind races to the awful place where she’s on the other end of the phone trying to steel herself to give you really, really bad news, and then she comes on, and you’re like “So….what is it?”
And she’s like “YOU HAVE SINUSITIS.”
And I’m all “And a brain tumor?”
And (of course, because she’s a doctor and doctors don’t want to say anything definitive ever) she says “Oh, to totally rule that out you’d have to have the MRA, which is where they inject the dye into your brain. But—probably not.”
And then you hang up, and what should feel like a cascade of relief kind of ends up feeling like when you go to the chiropractor for a good cracking, and instead of the cracking of the bones you end up with that “Mehhhhhh” feeling, like something wants to crack but just can’t.
Also, here is a picture of my brain. My sinus headache went away, so I declined the recommendation for the brain-dye injection and for the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. On the bright side, now that I’ve been brave and gotten the MRI over with, I can now just go back to being a regular person who can just get a sinus headache every once in awhile without everyone thinking the worst, plus I have this nice picture of my brain to keep with me forever. Isn't it just lovely?
And, how was your week?