Remember when I started the war against junk mail, during the never-ending rewrite? Yeah, that’s still going, and here’s another reason why. My paper shredder, which usually looks like this:
Yikes! Part of the reason why it gets this full is my own fault; I feel it is my responsibility to shred every piece of paper that even remotely has my name on it, and I will keep putting paper in it long past the point where it makes that slow, grinding noise that indicates you should really, really stop.
There’s also laziness– the office is upstairs, the vaccuum is downstairs, blah blah, blah, and so I will seriously keep stuffing papers into it until smoke comes out, and suddenly it looks like it went to a paper shredder frat party and did one too many keg stands.
Oh boy. This requires a large Hefty bag and a once-over with the vaccuum. So, it’s love and hate– I looooove shredding, but hate cleaning it up. Also, I’m contributing to global warming (I think).
So, this is the reason I started calling up companies and asking them to stop soliciting me, but now I have a totally different conundrum– if I don’t get any junk mail at all, I will never again see hilarious attempts at marketing like this one, which arrived yesterday:
This is a fake "boarding pass" sent to Stephan by some company, to try to entice him to use their services. Notice how it says Destination: Somewhere Wonderful, and Departure: The Sooner the Better.
Really, I don’t even know where to start with this. First of all, they’re sending Stephan a ticket to "Somewhere Wonderful," but they’re not putting him in First Class? Um, who sits in coach in a fantasy??? They’re offering him a "Domestic Flight," meaning, of course, that he’s not even allowed to CONSIDER Europe as a vacation spot, because they don’t have a partner airline that goes to Europe? Also, I think it’s hilarious that this "ticket" is so old school– like, are they trying to entice him to go somewhere in the Seventies? Does their airline also travel back in time? Finally, why did they only send one? Did they think he was going to go "Somewhere Wonderful" by himself, and if so, why didn’t they offer to get him a date? So wrong, and yet– so funny.