Yesterday I was in a random clothing store, and I saw these tiny short-shorts, and maybe I was just having a particularly enlightened and “woman power” type moment, but instead of my first thought being “I wish I could wear those shorts,” I actually thought “Those shorts exist to make women feel bad about themselves, and there is never a good time in your life to wear them.”
Next I went all "Women's Studies professor" in my head and decided that this type of clothing is made by men to perpetuate negative body imagery in women. Because here’s the thing: adults should not be wearing shorts that small. Even if you have a body so great that you CAN wear shorts that tiny, you are probably young and should still be focusing on your education and making people respect you for your mind, so (and this goes out to all you Hooters waitresses out there) PLEASE PUT THOSE SHORT SHORTS AWAY. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. THE PATRIARCHY IS TRYING TO OBJECTIFY YOU.
So, my final conclusion was that the moment you CAN wear shorts like this (which you should not because honestly, no one of substance is going to respect you in that type of clothing), you should not, and then every moment after that, when you have self-respect, you are then too old and self-conscious about your butt to subject it to this type of public outing. In either case, you probably still shouldn’t be wearing shorts like that because, um, those shorts are violating your right to privacy.
The only possible explanation for this inexplicable piece of clothing is that men have designed these shorts—men who would never actually wear the shorts themselves, and that these shorts represent a clever ploy by male designers to get women to buy the shorts because they WANT to starve themselves into them, or to buy the shorts to remind themselves not to eat, or to buy the shorts because they want to become objectified, or….you get the point. There is just no good example with a good ending, unless you are a man who happens to love women in tiny shorts, in which case, screw you, that is someone's sister, and you should encourage her to go to pursue her love of math and science or become a lawyer.
Fight the shorts, my sisters!
Also, and this has nothing to do with shorts, I started watching "Game of Thrones" in time for the Season 2 premiere, and I seriously feel like I need a flow-chart or some kind of Venn diagram to figure out what is going on wih all those different families. Is there, like, a "Cliff's Notes" for Game of Thrones? I honestly feel like I need to make an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of who is alive, and who is dead, and who is fighting, and who has dragons, and why those incest kids look so normal and no one thought until now to point out that Joffrey is in no way swarthy enough to be a real Baratheon. Can someone help me outvwith this? Every time that show comes on I feel like I'm back in grad school, seminar just started, and I didn't do the reading.
Also, and I'm sure this goes without saying– how stinky do you think those Games of Thrones characters would be in real life? No indoor plumbing, days of horseback riding, no soap or toothpaste? YIKES.