Ok, I try to keep it all a-religious and a-political and light-hearted and neutral over here on Funny Strange, but you know what? I am just going to go ahead and say what at least some of you are thinking. Today I should call my blog Funny Mean, because that is what it is. The fact is, I just read a headline about Michelle Duggar being pregnant with baby # 20, and I HAVE HAD IT WITH THAT FAMILY.
Listen, I am all about women's rights, and gay rights, and people’s rights to do whatever the hell they want, and I try to respect everyone and be all cool, but I simply cannot keep this to myself any longer. That family pisses me off so much for so many reasons, and every time I see a news headline celebrating that they are expecting another child, I just get madder and madder. I know, it’s her right, it’s none of my business, but I’m sorry, I think she sets a horrible example for not only her own children, but for women and girls everywhere.
So, I want to say this– Michelle Duggar– shame on you for having Baby Number Twenty. Shame on you! Here is why.
1. Twenty kids and two parents, one of whom is (hopefully) busy making money so the Duggar family can stay debt-free and not start taking state money for their awful choices. I LOVED being an only child, and a family this large makes me feel really sad for the kids. Twenty kids means no private conversation with your mom, no quality time with your dad, never being able to have your own room, and, if you’re one of those older girls, you’re basically a chaste Teen Mom, never knowing anything but raising babies and responsibility, and never having the chance to be a kid. Is that what God wants them to do? Because that is just sad to me. That is actually less of a ratio than you’d get if you sent your kid to a daycare, or maybe a group home.
2. I respect their right to HAVE twenty children, but at the same time, the very notion of this is nauseatingly disrespectful to the earth and its lack of resources. There is simply not enough food, air, and water to serve that many people, and with the world population increasing at an alarming rate, it is offensive that one family is outpacing that at the rate of 10,000%, and claiming that they’re encouraging good values. You could drive twenty Hummers that get 2 miles per gallon down to Antarctica to club baby seals, and you would still not be even close to the damage that family is doing to the earth every day merely by existing. Did you know that by 2050 there will be 10 billion people on planet Earth? Here’s a thought: if you have 20 kids and you’re not training them to make solar panels, start recycling businesses, or something else that actually helps the earth, then I think you should be required to pay a tax to offset the giant carbon footprint that you’re using up. How about that? Stephan has even used the word “Eco-Terrorists” to describe this family, because he is much more inflammatory than I am. Catchy!
3. Twenty kids means that Michelle Duggar is basically teaching her daughters that their role is to be baby factories instead of getting educated and deciding if that's what they even want for themselves. This concerns me, enough that I kind of want to hire Gloria Allred. Ironically, they actually have enough kids for a class action lawsuit against them if they ever want to go that direction, so that’s awesome.
4. Having that many children is horrible for Michelle Duggar’s health. Does she not even care about herself? Do I care more about her than she does about herself? Remember kid #19, who was one pound at birth, used millions of dollars worth of time and medical attention to keep her alive, and almost died?
Yeah, apparently she doesn't either. Another year, another high risk pregnancy, right? No big deal. The fact that she has NINETEEN other children to live for isn’t going to stop her from engaging in what will surely be another life-threatening stunt pregnancy that will demand much of her attention. That’s cool, though, because each young child has an older child raising it, and each of the older children has “jurisdictions” that they’re in charge of (like, cooking and cleaning for the girls, and car repair and money handling for the boys). Because they’re the pioneers, didn’t you know? They know better than us.
Also, can I just take this moment to point out that they wouldn’t even HAVE 20 kids without modern medical science and technology, and yet they don’t believe in science and attribute everything to the “grace of God?”
5. We are paying too much attention to these big families. So, not just shame on them– shame on anyone who watches their reality show or buys their books, and also shame on news outlets for reporting on it, because now we are encouraging them, and that is just gross.
6. Double shame on the Duggar family for going on (and sending some of their older children) on Christian missions, but never once opening their home to an orphan from one of those countries. This one makes me want to punch someone in the face. Their actions are inherently hypocritical, because they obviously like children and CAN care for them, and yet selfishly feel that these children must be white and Christian in order to matter. Seriously, that part makes me want to throw up.
7. Hey, did you know that the Duggar family home-schools their kids, and that they believe in creationism? This means that most likely, none of them will be doctors, because I don’t know how you’re going to get in to Harvard Medical School if your whole basis of understanding for science is that the world was created 4,000 years ago. So, any hope we have of those twenty children curing cancer or doing Nobel-prize winning research is pretty much out the window.
8. Let’s do a little math, shall we?
The Duggars are about to have twenty children.
One out of ten people is homosexual.
The Duggars don’t believe in homosexuality.
So, two of the kids in that family could be gay, but are going to be repressed and depressed and never really feel like they fit in, and why? So one undereducated, religion-spewing yokel could procreate as much as God wanted him to over the course of twenty years. Fantastic. I can't wait for one person to break out of that family, get some therapy, and tell us all about what it was like to grow up in a cult.
There, I said it. All of it. I said all of the things I was thinking about the Duggar Family. Thank you for allowing me to get that all out.
